Only way to feel the noise is when it's good and loud,

I went to 2 rock shows last week. One was at the Empty Bottle, a small bar with some of the consistently best sound in the city; the other was at the cavernous, decaying Congress theater, home of what's possibly the worst sound in the whole of Chicago. What a world.

Unlike most Valentine's days in recent years I didn't spend this one sitting alone in the dark crying, encrusted in drying lube, only to to find out that it wasn't valentines day and it was actually my birthday. The point is that I was at the Empty Bottle last monday. The first band up was The Pleats playing their rollicking all girl rock. I dig them, their music reminds me of a hello kitty chainsaw. They played well but sounded a little thin. Dark Fog came on second, bringing some heavy psychedelic rock. The seams to the tapestry of wahwah pedal goodness were shown whenever the singer would sing. They had some really good psychedelic freak out parts, the kind of music to stare at black light posters and smoke entirely too much weed to. They should have just done that all set. Last time I saw White Mystery was on the day before Halloween, so I was pretty drunk and I assumed that's why they rocked, despite the awesome songs on their myspace page. On monday I wasn't trashed and White Mystery fucking killed. It's hard to believe that only two people can make such an awe-inspiring racket, but hey, there they were doing it, melting faces as the kids say. They sound like a goddamn tyrannosaurs. The Empty Bottle never turns it up loud enough, a shame because White Mystery needs to be heard at decibel levels so high that they knock over houses. I love this band.

Find more artists like White Mystery at Myspace Music

The second concert I went to was on saturday. I was waiting for a beer at the Bob Inn when some guy said to me, "Hey, you look like someone who should be at the Motörhead show." Or something. I was pretty drunk at the time mainly because I decided that if I wasn't going to go see Motörhead I was at least going to get Motörhead drunk. What does that even mean? It means drinking fast and hard, just enough to hate everything. So I said to the guy, "Don't have tickets." "Well, here you go." And he handed me a red ticket that had Motörhead printed in big black letters. I chugged the beer, told my friends that I'd be back in a while, ran out the bar and into a taxi to the Congress theater. I walked into the Congress' auditorium without stopping to look at the merch tables. The easiest way to get to the front is to stand behind someone who is going to the front and coast along the openings they make. Unfortunately I was behind a really slow person and I wasn't about to stand in the back of the Congress like a rube, so I got in front of them and got up front. En route some guy said, "Relax." At which point I gave him finger and yelled Motörhead at him. I got as far as the pit and decided that I was close enough. I didn't really see Lemmy and the crew as I had taken my glasses off (i have lost quite a few pairs in pits) and the sound at the Congress is atrocious, I've never been there and heard a clear word spoken or a clean note played, so rather than seeing or hearing them I experienced Motörhead. Luckily they play LOUD AS FUCK so I could make out what was going on. It kinda sounded like a freight train full of cannonballs crashing into a factory that makes fire. I did what any sensible person would do and moshed. The crowd was really interesting, an eclectic mix of all the Chicago rockers, be they metal heads, punks, or whatehaveyou, It is inspiring. The word awesome is thrown around a lot these days, but saturday night at the Congress, drunk off booze and noise, dancing and howling and chanting with all of the rockers, to fucking MOTÖRHEAD defines awesome.