Suspended Belief

I'm kinda disappointed that Cardinal Francis George suspended Rev. Pfleger through a letter because the following conversation never had the chance to happen.

Al Pacino as the Cardinal
Matt Damon as Rev. Pfleger

Int. The Cardinal's office. Thick red carpet, dark wood furniture and desk, setting sun going shining through clear plate glass widows behind the desk. An extremely Catholic (lots of blood, anguish, etc) Christ on the Cross is placed over the heavy door. Pictures on the wall of the Cardinal with various Chicago and international figures, including Mayor Daley.

Rev. Pfleger walks into the office, he's wearing a standard Catholic priest outfit and a tan trenchcoat. (I'm not so sure what the Cardinal wears usually)
Rev. Pfelger: Cardinal. Mind if I sit?
The Cardinal: Yes, I mind, Father Plfeger. Look, we're both reasonable men, but you have pushed too many people too far, Plfger! (the Cardinal stands) We overlooked your radicalism, we overlooked your getting tossed in the slammer like a common hood, we overlooked your flagrant disregard for church policy and now you go and pull this stunt!?
Rev. Pfleger: And now you're overlooking what's right, Cardinal. You know as well as I do that I am not prepared to lead a highschool.
The Cardinal: Then you're not prepared to lead a parish!
Rev. Pfelger: Like hell. What have you done for my parish, my community? You sit here or you preach down at that tourist trap you call a church while ignoring the fact that kids are out there getting shot! That communities are getting ripped apart!
The Cardinal: It is not the role of the Church to police the city!
Rev. Pfelger: That's right, the Church is too busy trying to save itself. I've heard of rats leaving a sinking ship, but I've never heard of rats plugging holes.
The Cardinal: Damnit, Pfleger, you're a loose cannon! I'm suspending you as of now, turn in your collar and your bible!
Rev. Pfelger, shocked, then saddened, then angry: I think you should reconsider.
The Cardinal: I am not negotiating! I'm not some craven alderman afraid of a man in black, I am the man in black!
Rev. Pfelger takes of his collar and pulls out his bible from an inner pocket. He then leans down and unstraps a smaller bible from his ankle and slams them on to the desk: You'll need me, Cardinal. You'll need me sooner than you think.
The Cardinal: Not likely. Good day, Rever- ah, I mean, good day Pfelger, I have more important business to take attend to.
They stare at each other. A siren wails in the distance. Rev. Pfelger walks out and slams the door.

Satanic Death Robot Would Be A Good Band Name

Last night I got to Reggie's just as Predator was taking the stage. They played an enthusiastic set of crunchy thrash, the kind of shit that you listen to while drinking cheap beer and spray painting 666 on stuff to. I don't mean enthusiastic as crappy but admirable, just admirable since they were pretty good. They are a young band and if they keep going down the road of fucking rock they will be a force to be reckoned with in the future.

Souls Demise came on next. Their best parts were their heavier stuff and I dug the power metal tinged solos. They should just go ahead and play death metal! They got the chops for it and it would fit them tighter than a glove made out of the skin of baby Jesus or whatever, hail satan.

I've seen Whut? several times, and none of those times have ever involved a modicum of sobriety, except last night. I always thought Whut? were cool because I was drunk and it's the kind of music to be drink lots of beer while yelling, but it turns out they are a really tight, fierce, and uh good band. They play a bastard hybrid of hardcore and metal that's reminiscent of oh Lamb of God in a damn good way. Fuck yeah! Good for driving a monster truck to and maybe EXTREME flower arrangement.

I Decline came on 4th. What a deal, I was thinking, 5 bands for 12 bucks! At that point I was thinking that I Decline was going to be cool sounds like a something a cool straight edge HXC would be named, but I should have seen trouble coming when I saw that there were 5 mikes on stage. 5! They came on and they were loud. I like loud. Alas! They kept going. They played some really slick heavy metal, in fact it shouldn't be heavy metal, more like harder than usual rock. Despite their kinda cool psychedelicesque grooves and high energy they were aesthetically offensive to me. Bah.

I Decline had so much gear that Toxic Holocaust would seem under equipped to the casual observer. MAN. Toxic fucking Holocaust! Who'd thing that harsh songs heavily centered around the post-apocalypse that sound that they are being sung by some kind of satanic death robot would be so awesome. Oh wait, that sounds really fucking cool! Toxic Holocaust started off with Joel Grind growling, "Do we have any wild dogs here tonight?" before blasting into the song by the same name. He doesn't sound as much as an evil robot live but dude comes very close. They were fucking sharp, blazing through songs without falling into the trap of playing too fast as to render the songs unrecognizable. Ronnie's has very good sound and it's even better when good bands put it to proper use. At one point I saw some old dude moshing, I'm talking like grandfatherly old. If you're getting the elderly to mosh you are doing waaay better than okay. So I see this old guy moshing and it made me think, "Fuck you old man." Then I jumped into the circle pit. I'm not big mosh fan, most of the time I'd rather hang around the edges and pick people up than get into the fucking madness. But I decided that I couldn't just stand there while a guy who might qualify for medicare was out there. Of course I got caught in the whole thing as one is wont to do in a pit and it was a blast, but I really wanted to slam into that older gentleman You see how good Toxic Holocaust was? They made me want to hit an old person.



I also went to a really good show on friday night but I was really drunk so I can't remember any details except that all the bands are from Chicago and they rock. Oh wait, I do remember something... A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL.
You should listen to them!
Mickey
Liquor Store
Pink Torpedo
The Pleats

If only I'd known how cool death is I'd have killed myself sooner

So Peter Steele is dead. You know the lead singer/ringleader of Type-O-Negative, those purveyors of gloomy, yet incredibly popular, heavy metal. It's hard to feel bad for a dead dude who penned songs like Everyone I Love Is Dead, Everything Dies, Die With Me, and I can go on and on. If anyone is suited for the cold embrace of death it's Pete Steele. Anyway, I'm hardly ever crushed when rock stars die. It's better to stay rock and roll forever than to degrade into self parody.

"4 Ill. cemetery workers accused in grisly plot" Good headline, but they weren't yanking out the gold teeth or rooting though decomposed clothes to get to gold necklaces or prying off the burial shoes to sell them off on ebay, they were digging up bodies so they could re sell the plots. According to the article dismembering a human body is a felony.

"Billy Mays remains a TV pitchman, even in death." Pretty good, but they should have spiced it up some: Billy Mays remains tv pitchman, FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. Billy would approve!

"Americans favor science, but less than before" What? Ernie Smith, an baker, says, "Science is too expensive and confusing, recently I've been sticking to old fashioned witchcraft." No it doesn't really say that.

brb going to hell

I just read a news headline as, "At end of mideast trip, pope says prostitutes"