On the eve of the eve or Riot Fest

It's that time of year again, fucking Riot Fest time of course. Much like last year, which was my first foray into Riot Fest as an outdoor multiday show, I once again go into it with conflicted feelings. Once again I fully expect these to be swept under the rug by the force of loud guitars and screaming, as it should be. Here's the bands I'm recommending in no particular order but by day. I originally wanted to do Bands to Avoid, but that seemed really negative, so I guess I'm growing as a person or some shit.

SLAYER: Sure, some I follow on Twitter said, "50% Slayer." But goddamnit, that's still around 179% of a regular band. I saw them play during their last tour and they KILLED. It'll be weird seeing these guys out in the open, part of the atmosphere at my favorite Slayer shows has been hanging out in old, dark buildings, feeling the floor boards creaking when thousands of fuckers are chanting "kill, kill, kill" during At Dawn the Sleep, GOOD TIMES. Plus who knows how long these guys will keep touring, and when else are you gonna get the chance to scream along to Altar of Sacrifice along with all sorts of weird metalheads?

Gogol Bordello: Seeing G.B. is sorta like seeing Slayer, but instead of channeling hatred and apocalyptic mayhem, they channel fun and dancing and rock and roll. If you don't have fun during their set it's because you're dead.

Mastodon: Mastodon's Leviathan inspired me to read Moby Dick, that was 10 years ago, and while I haven't gotten very far in the novel I've seen these guys a bunch of times and have experienced some face melting metal. Once More Round the Sun is really proggy, but not in an annoying way, still heavy though. This should be fun and loud as fuck.

Murder City Devils: Drinkin' music! But the kind of drinking where you start off alone and end up hanging out with your friends at a favorite bar and hell why not go somewhere else, sure you gotta work in the morning, but what's the point of working if you cant go to a random rock show with your buds? Yeah, the wind is cold, but someone has a flask and the whiskey warms you up.

Clutch: Okay, okay, drinking music again, but this time it's at a cookout and you got awesome brats on the grill and you're drinking some damn good beer instead of the swill you normally drink. Clutch have been around forfuckingever it seems and they're one of the originators of what I call BBQ Metal. It's not exactly stoner metal, cause instead of sitting around doing bong hits you actually do stuff to this music. I'm not saying that hanging out doing bong hits isn't doing stuff, but try and get shit done with some good weed and Sleep's Dopesmoker on the stereo. Other bands in the genre include Black Tusk, Mastodon, Red Fang, and Howl, GOOD BANDS.

GWAR: With Oderus Urungus having gone to the lands of ashes and bone I'm not entirely sure the scumdogs will manage to pull this off, but it will be ridiculous. I guarantee ridiculousness, which sounds good on paper if you haven't seen Gwar, but to the initiated it's just redundant.

Stiff Little Fingers: Old school punks on a rampage. Their the original Godzilla to Against All Authoritie's Broderickzilla. Ah that might be unfair to AAA.

Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears: The first time I heard them was while checking out the bands on the line up. These dudes play bright stompy soul that would be great in a heist movie.

Radkey: Last year at Riot Fest these guys came on stage and said "If you like rock and roll you won't like us." Which was complete and utter bullshit cause they played a damn fine set of punk rock. I missed them opening for Red Fang last winter but they've been doing a lot of touring and I cant wait to see how much sharper they are after being honed on the grindstone that is the road.

Other bands that might be worth checking out: Plauge Vendor, Baby Baby, Rise Against, Jane's Addiction.

Saturday

Wu-Tang Clan: AND IF YOU GOT BEEF THEN BRING THE RUCKUS WU TANG CLAN AINT NOTHING TO FUCK WITH

Samhain: Holy shit! In between The Misfits and Danzing, Glen Danzing started Samhain. Sure the actual thing is pronounced so when, but I bet you that this is Samhayn. It's a weird sorta almost metal band, that probably sounds closer to what the Misfits would've sounded like in Danzig's head. I'm surprised that they're one of the headliners, but I bet Danzig has an "never plays in the daylight" stipulation in his contract. It'll still be cool seeing them, plus I'm sure Danzig will do some Misfits songs and of course some Danzing. Their opener for their own tour is Goatwhore, which is a hell of an act to follow, so hopefully Samhain are on the top of their game. ;

Die Antwoord: Dystopian, but in a good way, surreal dance rap. The first time I became aware of them was when one of my friends showed me the Enter the Ninja music video. I wasn't sure if it was a serious then I wasn't sure it was real. There's a lot of shit going on with their music which I dig. This is the first time I'll be seeing them as they always sell out whatever venue they're playing at whenever they're in town. I'm so excited to see them! So zeff!

Cock Sparrer: If I go England and Cock Sparrer isn't playing in the background while there's a soccer going on, then I will have not been to England.

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones: I can't believe I've only seen this band once! ONCE! Driving with the windows down music, fun stuff!

Me First and the Gimme Gimmes: One of the nations finest cover bands around, it sounds like I'm disparaging them but I'm really not!

The Buzzcocks: why aren't The Buzzcocks and Cock Sparrer on tour toghether and calling the Cock Fight tour? Anyway... hell yeah, the Buzzcocks are playing! That's so cool! They came to town a while ago but I didn't go because I was sure I'd be really let down, but since there are so many other bands playing today that I don't think this will be an issue and yes I will be drinking beers and singing along.

7 Seconds: As if I was going to stay out of moshpits all weekend long? What better band to get into a dumbass circle pit than 7 Seconds? I'm trying to stay young til I die and fast punk rock helps a lot.

Wavves: Last time I saw them I smoked pot with some kids, got one of them a beer, slammed into a couple in the pit and the guy tried yelling at me but I just yelled "then stay outta the pit!" to them. Goddamn right. Sure Wavves have cleaned up soundwise, but I'm expecting some rocking damnit!

The Bots: Hey wanna feel old? Check out these kids. Ah, they're not the little kids I heard about a few years ago but they are at least a good 12 years younger than me and are rocking hard enough make me feel like I've wasted my life, well done Bots, well done.

Also: Descendants, Anti Flag, The Crombies, The Flaming Lips, Television, Paul Weller(!), The Orwells, Streetlight Manifesto, Jessica Hernandez & the Deltas, Rose's Pawn Shop as you nurse your hangover,

Sunday

Social Distortion: Good drinking music. One of my friends went to see them a while back ago and they said that the audience consisted mostly of short guys wearing leather jackets, which sounds like the band, so they're folk music cause folk music is the folk singing to the folk. Anyway, I'm sure lots of dudes with "Sick Boy" tattooed on them will be at their set. I actually like this band, I kid because I care.

Show You Suck: Badass hip hop from Chicago! Fuck yeah! It's good times here.

Netherfriends: Yeah, another rapper from Chicago! That's kinda cool! This guy plays like a million shows a year, it's ridiculous.

Cheap Trick: The most dad rock band of the fest, but it's Cheap Trick! What the hell man, that's sorta rad! Like you don't sing along to Surrender, or I Want You to Want Me, or like you haven't blasted Live At Budokan way too many times? COOL.

Cerebral Ballzy: Drinking 40s with your crew in the summer time, playing with fire works, and making doing hilarious bong hits, plus more, all that stuff requires a soundtrack which is amply provided by C.B. To the unaware they sound like something from the late 70s/early 80s but they only formed up a few years ago! Why not run around in a circle? WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA DO? DON'T LET ME TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

Dropkick Murphys: I've seen them a few times and I really wish I could tell you more about those times, but it's like trying to look through a snorkel mask full of whiskey in an ocean of beer. So I'm going to go ahead and assumed I had a hell of a time. Goddamn I want a beer now.

Primus: There's a few bands which are the same band but from alternate realities: The Presidents of the United States and Filter, Beck and Marilyn Manson, The Flaming Lips and Primus. While I haven't been a fan of Primus or the Flaming Lips their reputation as great live bands preceeds them, which means they better goddamn rock.

Bouncing Souls: Sounds like summer time, but only now I can really appreciate it. Ah this getting older thing sucks, but I get into more moshpits now and am more willing to sing loudly in public. It kinda rules sometimes.

Andrew WK: It was my sister who introduced me to Andrew WK way back when I Get Wet came out. She said something like, "I was watching this band and these guys were headbanging and rocking and I turned it up, but they were all lame. All 'party hard.' Kinda light. You'd hate them." Of course the opposite ended up happening because I was all "HELL YEAH. PARTY HARD. This guy knows what's up." For sure I'll be partying as hard as possible during this set!

Also: Naked Ray Gun, Superchunk, The Cure, Mudhoney, Hot Snakes, Kurt Vile, Patti Smith (!), Billy Bragg, The Blue Meanie

Infinite Party Fuck It All

On saturday night I found myself at Reggie's. I should get there more often. I've seen a lot of great bands there and have had some great times, very rock and roll. I always seem to remember the place as being huge, but it's not that big, way smaller than the Metro, and a little bit smaller than the Bottom Lounge. The place is almost perfectly designed to have loud as hell rock shows. I even dig the balcony on top with it's comfy chairs and couches.

A friend and me got to Reggie's in time to catch 3 songs by Chicago's own Hay Perro. I have never heard Hay Perro before that night, judging from their band name I was expecting some limp indie rock. Luckily they prove me hopelessly wrong by rocking. They play fast rock with some sweet, sharp guitars. Hay Perro's set was beautifully loud, as rock and roll should be, loudness being a major theme for the night.

After Hay Perro got off stage a bunch of dudes that looked like an outlaw gang from a spaghetti western appeared. Suddenly the opening riff from The Trooper by Iron Maiden blasted from the stage. I reacted by shaking my fist at the stage and shouting "YEAAAAHH!" They didn't go into the rest of the song, but it was okay, for once it was okay, because they proceeded to FUCKING ROCK. Halfway into their second song I realized that they had 3 guitarists on stage and for a second I thought they had 4 guitarists, but it turned out that the lead singer/bassists is huge and was playing a six string bass. They play fast fierce rock that is just a thing of wonder, the kind of rock music that gives me hope and raises my spirit. While watching them I thought, they'd be the best band to play at the Mutiny. AND THEY ARE PLAYING AT THE MUTINY IN MAY, YOU HAVE TO GO. You have to go, you have to go drink beers, take shots, and rock the fuck out with these dudes. After their set my friend Anne said, "I feel like stealing a camaro."


Trouble No More by Against the Grain

Another Chicago band came on third, this time it was Jar'd Loose. They sounded really good. They have a great best of the 90s sound going on, lots of White Zombie and Metallica, some grungness, and lots of punk. The frontman is (used to be?) head up The Muzzler, who fucking rule(d?). Freed from playing an instrument dude is one of the most entertaining front men I've seen. Their first song was explosive as fuck. They lost some momentum, but played very well. Hopefully they just kill next time I see them.

Of course the volume kept going up and up throughout the night, thus Zeke was like getting hit by a god's hammer. They played a shitlot of loud as hell, louder, songs that lend themselves way too easily to drinking copious amounts of cheap beer. AS IT SHOULD BE. If I ever manage to get a vast amount of money the first thing I'm doing is throwing a huge rock festival. I'll call it Infinite Party Fuck It All. You better believe that Zeke is going to be there. They rocked, the rolled, the main lesson they taught me was that fuck everything let's listen to some really loud fast rock music. Amen to that.


Kicked in the Teeth by Zeke

Not sure what the next concert I'm going to is. I'd like to go see Mastodon at the Riv on friday, mainly to see Ghost. ALAS! Behemoth, and more importantly, Watain, are playing the same night. In a perfect world Ghost and Waitain would be playing the same show. I heard that last time Waitain played that they were tossing real blood around and had meat on stage. That's what I'm talking about.

I had way too much fun looking at The Joy of Satan website today.

ALWAYS Party Hard

On sunday night in the year of our lord (satan) 2012 I went to the Riv and saw Andrew W fucking K. On monday I was in awe at how sore I was. My ears may not have been ringing, but my bruises were forming up nicely and I couldn't touch anything with my left elbow. Not that I like to touch things with my elbows, that would be odd. At least it helped my table manners somewhat. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you are probably an uncultured heathen, which is fine with me, although I don't really see a problem with being a cultured heathen.

I like the Riv because it's very old and a bit rough around the edges fancy, but it usually sounds pretty damn good and I always see bands I like there. It's like what the Congress could be if that place could get its act together. The Congress has the worst sound in the city, that's including noise shows in damp basements. Aleister X came got on stage promptly after doors opened. Aleister X is some kind of rapper championed by Andrew WK for some reason. I don't know what's going on with that guy, but there is some kind of brilliance to him. His set started off incredibly muddy and it wasn't loud enough to be shocking and it was more annoying than anything, I spent most of it drinking beers. Dude eventually got better by putting down the guitar and going on some bizarre rapping. Wait I don't know if it's bizarre or not, rap is getting weird man.

The pit fall of having a long/annoying band name is that I will always think "bah, I don't have time to read your terrible band name." Thus missing out on potentially cool tunes. If I didn't know what Pantera is I would listen to that because that is a badass band name. If the band is called something like iwrestledabearonce then I will be more hesitant to listen to that band. (iwrestledanearonce sucks. Don't start off doing grind metal and then do something like singing, what the fuck, i don't want to hear singing in my fucking grind metal. Then they start to do some lame melodic slowing down bullshit. It is bullshit.) The point is that Math the Band turned out to be good times. Sweet video gamey keyboards paired with loud ass guitar and fun. They played an energetic set of leans songs that got the point across, the point being that this is a band you want to play at your house party. After their set I wished I had brought money to give to them.

ANDREW WK was pretty fucking awesome. The second dude started I was covered in confetti and silly string. It only got more party from that point. That's right. To tell you the truth I could've just said: I went to see Andrew W.K. at the Riviera and it was very party. You know what. That's it. All of the other reviews go on and on, but there's really no need. Andrew WK rocked. I ran into one of my friends and said hi. I literally ran into one of my friends a mosh pit. Drinking beers, hi fiving a guy dressed like a banana, helping people get up to body surf, I am telling you it was way fucking party. Andrew W.K. and co did the whole I Get Wet Album and the place was crazy all set long. Also some other songs. Rocking songs. It was very inspirational.