Fuckin Riot Fest

RIGHT. Riot Fest. Of course my original plan for it was:
Show up
Get fucked up
Puke in some bushes, hopefully on some teenagers wearing matching blink 182 t shirts
Go see Motorhead and trash around.

Of course that last point was the linchpin of my whole plan and when Motorhead dropped out I was kinda bummed out. At first I was saying things like, "At least this way I wont get kicked out." Or "At least I wont get Motorhead drunk." But we all know that less Motorhead doesn't make things better, but it is rather through more Motorhead that we truly come alive. OH WELL. Fuck it, I had a two day pass, it'll be fun anyway.

When I finally got in on Friday afternoon, the sky was blue and sun was shining down on Humboldt Park, and I got a sinking feeling in my gut. The first booth I saw was one for Official Riot Fest Merchandise and it was already packed. There were some juggler motherfuckers already out front, I'd see some more of them around over the two days I was there, but they weren't a major distraction or anything. I got a hot dog from a local hot dog shaped cart that's usually downtown, and then I wandered around looking at the rides and game booths. The smell of fried foods was already wafting in the air, intermingling with the bells and whistles of the carnival amusements. Then I noticed the VIP section.

As far as I know Riot Fest has always been a punk rock thing. And I've been to a few of them, but this was the first time I went to one at the park. Of course I saw the VIP tickets on the website, but I wasn't about to pay almost double the ticket price for that bullshit, what kind of sucker would? A lot would. I was vastly disappointed. I thought this was a punk rock show. Punk rock is for everyone. VIP sections aren't for everyone. What is this shit? The whole thing isn't exactly punk rock at all, if anything Riot Fest is the exact opposite of punk rock. The monetization of public spaces and subversive music presented is fucking ridiculous. Now fearing the worst I decided to do something about it by drinking until I couldn't feel any feelings anymore. I walked around noting that I should go back to the pro wrestling ring later on and eventually found a beer tent. I went up to the beer tent and I was all, 7 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A PBR, FUCK, FUCK. So I decided to get something else, I get up there and I was "Gimme a beer!" The lady working the counter said that I needed a wrist band. Fair enough. I went over to a different person to get a wristband and went back to get a beer and the dude working the tent told me that I had to get tickets to get beers. FUCK. Tickets? For beer?! Fucking hell man. So I went to get tickets, luckily the ratio was $1 = 1 drink ticket, or not, I mean that was still 7 dollars beers, but if you didn't use up your tickets you couldn't trade them back for cash. Luckily they had some pretty damn good beers, so I didn't have to pay for fucking 2 equis or pbr. So there I was standing in a field, drinking a 7 dollar beer, feeling fucking miserable, until I said "Fuck it, let's go watch Flatfoot 56."

Right after I walked in I went to an information tent of course they didn't have maps or schedules to hand out. The girl at the counter offered me a lanyard for my ticket, but I declined. It wasn't even a cool one with skulls or anything on it, just a lanyard. I took a picture of the schedule and the map with my phone, and found a spot to plan my day out. Luckily once I got the general layout of the place I didn't have to refer to the map too much. I think it helped that I know the streets. Flatfoot 56 was playing at the southermost stage, the same stage that later on Danzig would play at, there was already a contingent of rowdy looking fuckers in black t shirts emblazoned with a white demon skull. I hadn't seen Ff 56 in a long time, despite them being a local band, so it was good to see them. How the hell am I going to suppose to resist a fucking bagpipe and rowdy music. They rocked! After their set I wasn't feeling so down anymore. I was at a rock show. Holy shit I was going to see motherfucking Danzing later. Hatebreed was about to go at the stage a couple of blocks behind me, so I headed over there.

One the way there I saw my friend, Fester, and we headed over to the stage, we met up with a few more people. But when Hatebreed came on stage I said, "Dudes, I'm too short to stand here, I'm going in." I expected someone to walk into crowd with me, but no one did, which was a running theme throughout the two days I went: I'd meet up with friends, then we'd go see a band, then I'd be like "Fuck this, I'm getting closer" and I turn back and no one would be behind me. Of course I also said I wasn't going to mosh, but I don't think I said it aloud, so it doesn't count.
Look, I'm not going to do a band by band account. I'm just going to say that all of the bands sounded incredibly good. Normally I don't dig outdoor shows because of sound quality, but everyone, everyone, sounded good. Bands that would've sounded good with mediocre sound,  sounded great! And bands that sound great, that are real pros, sounded fucking phenomenal (Dinosaur Jr, Joan Jett, and many others. Of course there are highlights.

Motherfucking Danzing! I couldn't believe that I was standing in the middle of the street, in the middle of the park, looking at a waxing half moon behind the stage, a weeping willow to the right, and huge horned skull flag flowing softly in the breezed. When Danzig comes out of nowhere, punching the air and the crowd went fucking nuuuuuuts. Holy fuck. Then Doyle came on and everything got upped by at least twice as much. I didn't realize how close I was until I decided that I actually wanted to see the show a little bit (didn't have glasses on) and retreated. The place was packed with people, and everyone was singing along to Misfits songs.

A few bands I hadn't heard of, but were still cool: Masked Intruder, pop punk with a criminal deviant schtick, they fucking rocked. Radkey, a trio, that warned "if you like rock music, you're going to hate us," which was really weird because they play some fine punk rock, The Crombies, playing badass ska and what not, made up of Chicago veterans of the same scene.

I didn't see too many of the side shows, freak show, wrestling, or ride more than one ride, because I was too busy running around from stage to stage. I did manage to catch Chicago League of Lady Arm Wrestlers, which were entertaining and cool. There were a million local restaurants and stuff too, which was great, but I took most of my nourishment in beer. Mostly I had the stuff brewed by Greyskull Brewery, brewery of the Cobra Lounge.

It was really good to see a bunch of my friends. Of course it's not like I would've been so alone. I was surrounded by thousands of people who where there to dance around, mosh, and sing along to the same music I was, which is always great! These are the people  who are going to randomly high five you and help you up if you fall in a pit. If the rockers don't help the rockers, then we are fucking doomed.

Rancid! RANCID! I saw Rancid on the same day I saw fucking Dinosaur JR and Blondie! That's crazy! Of course there were a bunch of bands I didn't like, Blink 182, Fall Out Boy, the rest of them. It feels like there were more bands I didn't like than bands I dug.

For a while I was hesitant to go see Flag, but the second they started off I got up real close and into the pit. Motherfucking Black Flag! I took all of my Motorhead rage out in that pit, it was a grand old time.

MAN. A lot of these fuckers are old! I was really surprised by Bad Religion. Not that I'm anti old people or anything, but it's just a reminder that I am also getting old, and that is terrifying. The crowd tended to skew a little older, late twenties and up. Or maybe it's because I didn't notice any kids unless I was bashing into them or something, even then.

During TSOL's set, after a song, the lead singer said something like, "You fuckers! I'm blind up here so I see that there's this dog in the fucking pit and I'm like 'that's fucked up!' But now I realized it's a stuffed animal or something. What the fuck." Ha haha, It looked way funnier than I could describe.
 
I could go on and on but it's pointless. Maybe I'll go next year. I don't know. It was fun. It was mostly worth it. I got to see a lot of bands. Most of my worries and concerns all melted away when I was screaming along to songs or dancing around or high fiving strangers or drinking beers with my friends, which is the whole point of rock shows anyway. I didn't mind missing out on lucha libre, carnivals games, rides, and other assorted bulshit because I was constantly in front of some bad ass tunes. Even though it was raining like a motherfucker, it was a bummer missing out on day 3, having to go to work and deal with lack of rocking, what bullshit.

"People that don't like rock and roll must live horrible lives." -  @chitlin_loaf