Everyone loves liquids

Earlier tonight I went to walgreens with my brother to get some cough medicine for him. I like going to walgreens because there's a variety of stuff there such as singing fish, various seasonal arrangements of high fructose corn syrup, cards that express feelings for me so I don't have to, and various liquids that can be used to drink or clean. Everyone loves liquids. Today I ran into pie flavored gum. I laughed so much that I had to leave the store and I proceeded to laugh for 5 solid minutes. Just thinking about it is almost too much to bear. How does such a thing happen? I imagine all of the big shot gum executives sitting around the conference table, sipping cognac and wondering, what flavor gum should we make next? Nothing reasonable. No, let's make gum that tastes like apple pie. In order to get any product out there's a incredible amount of R and D that goes along with it, add to that marketing and advertising, plus manufacturing and shipping costs, the process is almost mind boggling. Somehow the project didn't die and now I will chew on some apple pie flavored gum.

The pack of gum itself looks like any new school pack of gum, square with a flap on the opposite side of the front of the package. The box is mostly deep red with some lighter red streaks tossed behind the big white "Extra" logo, directly underneath that it reads "Dessert delights", and under the text reading "sugarfree gum" is the flavor, "Apple Pie." There's a picture of a slice of pie on the front of the package as well, your standard Mom, Baseball, and Apple Pie pie. Next to it are some granny smith apples. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the red was called "Apple Red" or "Crisp red," anything to remind people of apples. The smell of the gum permeates through the cardboard packaging, although I wouldn't be surprised if the box was scented like the gum. It smells cinnamony sweet, tangy, a little bit apple. The actual gum itself is wrapped in a sliver foil printed with the Wrigley logo and the universal sign to toss out your trash. The Stick of gum is a slight green, kinda like a granny smith. It smells very strong. Initially it tastes very much like some kind of apple pie, but not a homemade pie, rather like one of those apple things they sell at Mcdonalds. It only has a hint of cinnamon and it's very sweet, of course there's a strong apple current, but it's more akin to fake apple filling as opposed to baked apple. There is a touch of crispness which doesn't last very long. Actually the flavor doesn't last very long at all and in a very short time it's reduced to plain, mmm plain. After the initial burst of the flavor the gum goes from having a very fine chalky grit to being incredibly slippery. I can hear it squeaking around on my teeth as I type.

Alas! The pie flavored gum is a disappointment, but if happiness came in gum form then what would be the point of anything else? The thing I like the most about this gum is that it's ridiculous. There's no need for this to even exists, but it's not a bad thing that it does exists, it's almost whimsical. It really highlights the fact that people will buy ludicrous things just because they are ludicrous. No other flavors of gum made me laugh so hard that I nearly cried. Of course this leads to the question of what more flavors of gum can there be? One of my friends suggested rhubarb. I say, why not? What about a Desert Delights line of gum? Now those would be interesting flavors... cactus, beetle, sand, unrelenting sun. If I had my way I would make hummus flavored gum, I would call it GUMMUS. I, for one, would enjoy some cognac flavored gum.