So here’s my Question for the Week: If you suddenly had super evil SuperVillain powers (or, why not, SuperHero powers) would you a) actually put your time and energy into dominating/destroying/saving/protecting the world, or would you just spend your time making a nice fortune and possibly turning loud kids in theaters into toads?
Being a ludicrous super-villain sounds like fun: Global domination? Riches beyond my wildest dreams? RULING WITH AN IRON FIST!? Yeah, that sounds all well and good, but people are people and people are going to bitch. "Oh the trains are late." "We don't have enough oil." "Your army of giant death robots is crushing my town, again." Whine whine whine. Yeah, fuck the hoi polloi, I am a goddamn masked super-villain, the world is my playground, I am the kid holding the magnifying glass up to the ant hill (because my fool proof scheme of building a giant magnifying glass will totally work). But it does not matter how big or advanced my robot army is, at one point I will need people, dang. As a super villain you have to have a hierarchy of various goons at your disposal and, as goons are wont to do, they will do incredibly stupid things, such as being engulfed in flames at importune times("STOP DYING YOU COWARDS!" Zap Brannigan). No super power can account for the almost suicidal stupidity of your average goon. What about being a super-villain without the organization? In that case you know what would separate you from the stick up artist or the average con man? A cape. Who wants to be the Librace of knocking over dry cleaners or check fraud? Fuck that.
What about saving the world? Bah! You see a long time ago a humble man rose up to power. This guy had good intentions (probably), and a folksy can do spirit that makes the USA THE BEST GODDAMN COUNTRY EVER. Thus armed he tried to bring about truth, justice, and the american way, by goddamn force if needed. Things were blown up. People were tortured. Whole countries were razed to the ground. I'm talking about George W Bush here. The point is that no matter how good you think you are, you are ultimately fucking it up for the rest of us if you can't keep it to yourself. Okay fine, I'm a supehero. I spend my time rescuing cats from trees, putting out fires, and dealing with whatever fuckers decide to try and turn all the water in the world into apple sauce. Now what? Constantly being assailed by villains, the people freaking out because I could turn on them any minute now, getting destruction of property (that would be my name) lawsuits thrown at me from every which way, and I'm not even rich! So I'd have to do all that and have a job where I have to pretend to be one of the normals? Fuck that. In theory one could be a superhero with a super-villain type organization, like The Mink in Omega the Unknown, but that would lead back to all of the super-villain organization downfalls.
Therefore, the only solution to this is to start a cult. All the spoils of villainy with the adoration of super-heroism. A cult would be almost laughably easy with superpowers. Perform some miracles, point out some omens, profit. No one is going to meddle with your affairs unless you get greedy. You might just get a tax exemption from the whole deal. Just enough to get me enough cash to keep in top hats, champagne, and gold plated Lamborghinis.
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