Roqnrwall

All good clean fun

2012-02-03T18:05:00.004-06:00

Orchid - No One Makes a Sound

This really rocks. It's like damn, I want to drive a car off a cliff to this song. Maybe, that's too much.

Nothing but heartbreak over here, mainly because of lack of rocking. All of the shows I wanted to go see have sold out, Ghost sold out, Andrew WK sold out, Die Antwoord sold out, I am heartbroken. Slightly. I'm still going to see Motorhead next week so there's that! FUCKING MOTORHEAD! Will that make up for the fact that I didn't get to see Ghost, or that I won't get to see my patron saints (yes both AWK and DA)? Maybe. I don't know, hard to tell. I should really be going to more underground shows, it's just laziness really, and a continual sense of undefined dread. Or something like that. I don't know man. Still! I am going to go see Motorhead. Also Megadeth, yay, I suppose. Okay, I don't dislike Megadeth, but they've always struck me as why can't we be Metallica please. Actually whenever I hear that there's news about Metallica I dread hearing the actual news.

Motorhead - Black Leather Jacket

The thing I am dreading about the Motorhead show is that fucking Lacuna fucking (not in a good way) Coil is going to be there too. I wouldn't have a problem if they were just hanging out but they are going to be on stage, subjecting me to their "rock" music. My plan is to get there after their set, but the glaring flaw of that scheme is that I might miss Volbeat, who are alright, except for this abhorrent cover of I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry. I was hating on them for a while because that's the first song by them I ever heard. Volbeat is okay, I dig their whole rockabilly meets metal thing, but sometimes it just fall flatter than a rat rod's tire that's been pierced with a switchblade. Too many of their songs are ruined by dumbass break downs or tempo changes.

It seems like Lacuna Coil and Volbeat are on that tour because whoever put the tour together is expecting an older/more mainstream audience so they booked those opening bands hoping to satiate that particular demographic. A Warrior's Call by Volbeat would fit in perfectly into an ad for the NFL. (what are you doing for the Big Game? hanging out with your buds on the couch grazing on nachos and pizza? drinking some brewskis? weeping quietly in the dark?) But have you ever been to a Motorhead show? It's pretty cool since one of the coolest bands ever are on stage for sure, but it's made even better by all the rockers getting together. All of the sub types of rockers are there, all ages, all races, it fucking rules. I'll go to punk shows and I'll see only people who go to punk shows there, at death metal shows it's the same way; at a Motorhead show everyone is there. The show gets crazy fun, everyone is singing along, moshing and shit, headbanging and guzzling beers, you know a proper rock and roll show. My prediction is that Lacuna Coil and Volbeat are going to get heckled like crazy. Specially Lacuna Coil.

Motorhead - Motorhead

WHAT'S IN MY BAG

2012-01-26T20:57:00.003-06:00

There's a really good chance that if you see me carrying around my bag it's cause there's stuff in it, sometimes it's pretty awesome stuff, like beer, the rest of the time it's just stuff. Here's what's in my bag tonight.

1. A couple of rags I stapled at work to create some kind of compress thing because I had hurt my wrist drunkenly arm wrestling. My boss asked what happened and I wussed out and I told him I tripped because the train station was icy, which it was. I didn't want to tell him that I hurt myself when drunk because I was really hungover. Now I keep them because they might be useful.

2. Sugar free Red Bull. I've really cut down on my pop drinking, which is great but I need caffeine. One of my favorite ways to get it is this crazy black tea they have at Loose Leaf Lounge, it is insane. I don't like coffee a whole lot, no I like it a lot but not enough to drink it all the time as it messes with my stomach.

3. Swamplandia! by Karen Russel. I saw my bag and thought, nothing but novels and energy drinks, how sad. The book is way better than I thought it would be. The best book I've read this year is The Name of the Wind. I always tell myself to keep track of what I read, I even have a goodreads account to help, but I always end up slacking off on that. Sometimes it feels like I read a novel a week. I am still trying to read more non fiction, but I have given up all hope on not reading fiction.

4. My lunch was in here from like 11 am to around 2:50 pm, it's a some kind of lunch receptacle. I am also a lunch receptacle.

5. Tape. It's not sticky or anything although you can use it to lash stuff together or leave tracks for people to follow.

6. A rubber band.

7. Super glue. Comes in crazy handy.

8. A lighter. In case I need fire.

9. Matches. In case I lose the lighter.

10. A notepad. The pen is really cool since the tube is made out of really stiff cardboard.

11. I can't believe I have only 1 mechanical pencil and 1 sharpie.

12. A notebook. It's a pretty cool one from whitelines. I thought my last notebook was cooler since it looked like something with dire spells in it or something. This one is easier to write on though.

13. A knife. Not a "good" knife. It gets the job of cutting stuff done so it's okay.

14. A tiny cupcake shaped eraser. For real.

It's odd that I don't have more writing instruments in there or my water bottle. Since it's winter I usually keep my flashlight in my jacket. I want to get some of those tiny first aid kits as previous experiences have proven that they are handy. I will settle for some hello kitty bandaids. I have some straight up medical tape somewhere. The last thing I used it for was to wrap a present for one of my friends. I thought it was hilarious. I used to carry around a poncho, but I usually check the weather before I leave and it's not like I'm going off into the woods. I should also carry some tape as well.

Ear plugs? What am I 100?

2012-01-23T12:16:00.001-06:00

DANG! There's a lot of great rock shows coming up. So many many shows. I don't even know how I am going to get through the rest of the year without dropping out of society, growing my hair long, and end up getting covered in pentagrams. Nah, I'm never growing my hair out again, it's just easier to have short hair. Maybe I'll end up a with a little less hearing. Ear plugs? What am I 100? I read/heard somewhere that when you hear your ears ringing that you'll never hear that frequency again. That's okay, I think, those frequencies were weak and deserved to die. Whatever. Let's listen to some rock and roll. (off the top of my head, Zeke, Ghost (holy shit that's tomorrow!), Motorhead, Die Antwoord, Havok and Toxic Holocaust opening for the Casualties, Goatwhore, man those are just the ones I can remember.)

Trash Talk - Slander

This video is true on so many levels. Except for the getting pissed on by a bum, I've had the nights that feel/look like this. The song is killer. It gets to the point.

Midnight - Black Rock and Roll

MIDNIGHT is a great band name! It's very succinct as most great band names are, I'm not going to listen to a band with a name like Job For A Cowboy, what the fuck is that? Or the even more deplorable Iwrestledabearonce. Fuck that. I'm not saying they are bad bands but the names suck. The best part of Midnight is that they fucking rule. It's like if you took some Motorhead and added some satan this is what you would get.

Insane - Death by Command

I love this because I love old Slayer and so does Insane, from their riffs down to the point ends of their logo font. Good times though! Better than the last Slayer album. You see what I am saying? I never would've clicked on that if they were called something like On The Unholy Throne I Sit, or some other bullshit, despite the fact that On the Unholy Throne I Sit is kind of a badass name.

Speedwolf - Hell and Back

I like them so much that I am putting up another track.

Speedwolf - Up All Night

You know that dream concert I alway fantazize about, Brunofest? I'd add these guys to it because this is exactly the kind of band I love. More children of Motorhead. This is the kind of band that would be perfect to randomly see at the Mutiny.

Aight now chill out with some stoner as hell rock.
Eletric Moon - Mental Record

Hey, listen!

2012-01-12T21:56:00.008-06:00

Sometimes I'll just click around on youtube listening and sometimes watching music. If you look to your left you'll see my twitter feed and you might notice a bunch of links to various song, you should click on them because I have great taste. My favorite song of tonight is Colores by Ampersan. It's in spanish, but who really cares about that when the song is awesome? Unfortunately embedding has been disabled for the video, but that why there's a link right here.

Okay here's some fucking Havoc kicking some ass because that other song makes me sad.

Havok - Prepare for Attack AH AH FUCK YEAH

Havok are come to town soon, with Toxic FUCKING Holocaust! Oh that's going to rule. I also want to, NAY, need to see Ghost. Then it's Motorhead! Opening for Megadeth, but who cares cause it's going to be Motorhead at the Aragon! You know what they call the Aragon Ballroom? The Aragon Brawlroom. I am not even close to making that up. And Die Antwoord (look just go with it) at the Metro in the near future as well. Lots of good shows. I just want to rock. In a perfect world Die Antwoord and Ghost would be touring together, Motorhead would be headlining at the Aragon with Toxic Holocaust and Havok as opening bands. That would be ideal like a motherfucker.

OH SHIT! It's my first blogpost of the year and it's 2 weeks in! Kinda sad! My new years eve was blurry, but kinda awesome. I saw the Spits and Mickey at Cobra Lounge. More or less. Enough to know that it rocked. How was yours? Did you do anything a normal person would regret? I hope you did.

FIGHT TO SURVIIIIVE

2011-12-27T20:40:00.003-06:00

I find it very hard to believe that at one point in not too distant history people actually went and bought Lionel Ritchie albums. Just listen to this cheesy shit:

"Oh you just picked the lamest Lionel Ritchie song," you say. No, they are all like that. Whatever. In the end one person's cheese is another person's mold.

Have you ever wanted a drink so bad that you've considered going to mass?

Holla. A play in one act.

Guy, late teens to early 20s, carrying a two litter in a plastic bag.
Girl, same, on cell phone.

Outside of an urban neighborhood food/lottery/cigarette store. The kind of place that has really weird energy drinks. Guy is standing outside the the door. Girl walks by talking on her cell phone.

Guy: Hey, baby. Baby, what's yo number?

Girl ignores Guy.

End.

Fight to Survive by Stan Bush, from Bloodsport, one of the greatest movies of all time.

THERE'S JUST SO MUCH NOTHING TO DO

2011-12-24T21:39:00.004-06:00

So... I've been playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, thus I haven't done anything productive in the real world. I have found a shit load of places, lots of caves to clear of bandits, lots of mines to... mine, wolves to punch in their stupid wolf faces. Lots of stuff like that. I think I'm like 1/3 of the way, probably less into the main story line, THERE'S JUST SO MUCH NOTHING TO DO. Most of my time in Skyrim is mostly spent like this: Sell shit I don't need, drop off all other stuff, grab a dagger, and wander off into the wild where the wolves live. It's not just a step up above Oblivion, perhaps it's an escalator up. There's a lot that been borrowed from recent games from the Fallout series, which is great since those games fucking rule. One of my favorite things about Skyrim is the whole not having to pick a set class and leveling up the attributes you damn well feel like leveling up. I hate how suicidally stupid the horses are, the second you get off them to smack that bandit into submission they go and find the one Frost Troll to annoy or fall off a cliff, one or the other all the time. Fuck you horse, I paid 1000 gold for you. Maybe it's just me and I pick the idiot horses. So I end up spending up a lot of time on foot, managing to piss of anything that's alive in my field of vision. I tried turning down the difficulty but it's just too easy that way. I still haven't beat The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion... D: D: D:

Maybe buying a ps3 was not the best decision I've made recently. Mainly because I play a lot of video games instead of actually doing stuff. It doesn't matter what stuff as long as I'm doing something, dig? I have books that are so overdue! I still haven't finished Endymion.

Right before Skyrim I pretty much wrapped up all of Saint Row 3. Now that was really fun!

The rings makes Uranus look like it was titlted on it's axis (ha)

2011-12-14T20:46:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I worry about the strangest things. One of them is whether or not humanity will ever get off Earth. There's a tv show on right now about the solar system, but I'm mostly getting that everything around Earth is inredibly hazardous and very far away. The distances are so vast that they are terrifying. A few weeks ago a big ass space rock flew by Earth, it was 20,000 miles away, that is relatively close, it's crazy.

Right now I'm reading Endymion by Dan Simmons, part of what I just learned is called the Hyperion Cantos. I read Hyperion waaay back when, I loved it, you should check it out. Basically it's the Canterbury Tales in space, but that's just the first one and even then it's pretty crazy. I gotta go back and read the Fall of Hyperion soon. I will also be keeping an eye out for The Rise of Endymion whenever I hit up ye old used book stores.

One of my goals for this year was to read more non fiction books than fiction books. I failed that goal miserably. I did manage to read a whole mess of travel books, being on of my favorite kind of non fiction writing it was super easy. I read a few science books. My favorite one was this fucked up one, there was elephants on lsd. I used to read a lot of true crime when I was a teenager, for some reason I have pretty much a stop to that. Oh sure, I still pick up a few of them, but not so much murder and serial killers, more focus on Yakuza and Prohibition. One of my favorite new subjects is the Crusades, that shit was bad! There were corpses being catapulted into cities to fuck with the inhabitants! Swords! Treasure! Mayhem! You really can't make this stuff up. The coolest non fiction book I read was Brandwashed, which is all about the nefarious and absolutely fascinating world of advertising. It's a most read for anyone who actually looks at ads and wonders how they work. But most of my nonfiction reading tends to center around modern warfare, Vietnam and on. Oh no wait! You gotta read With the Old Breed, it's about the Pacific Theater in WW2 and is one of my favorite books in general. It's so badass, like some hardcore whiskey, it'll bring a tear to your eye.

It shouldn't really be a complaint, oh no I read too much good fiction this year what will I do. It's ridiculous. I should really try to keep up my Goodreads account better, but I go through novels like a competitive eater at a buffet. It's ridiculous.

"Monkeys can't be donkeys, quit messing with my mind!"

2011-11-24T22:30:00.004-06:00

But mere hours ago I finally got around to watching King of Kong, about the two guys going mano a mano to prove who is top gorilla in the old school arcade version of Donkey Kong. Have you ever played that? I have, back when arcades could be found, it is tough game, how these dudes got such ridiculous scores is mind boggling. Fuck that. Look, I know that without old school video games I'd have to spend my video gaming time uh I guess not playing playing video game because they wouldn't exist. I do have a soft spot for Joust, Robotron, but not a whole bunch of them. I like Joust mainly for the ridiculousness of it all. Flying ostriches! King of Kong revolves around Steve Wiebe taking on Billy Mitchell for the high score in Donkey Kong. It sounds simple enough, but there's all this intrigue going on. At one point some dudes show up to S.W.'s house to check if his Donkey Kong machine was rigged. There's mysterious tapes and mind games going on. All of this for Donkey Kong. Then another documentary started up, I'm Addicted to Video Games, or something like that. It followed the adventures of a motley crew of gamers. I didn't finish watching it but the coolest thing about that one was the soundtrack. It didn't just profile the dudes who live in a house fucking shut up in WoW, but some other gamers as well, a couple that met through Everquest meeting for the the first time, and a former video game junkie. Good times. Well, for me. Man, I don't know, I like my video games, but these people are hardcore. I will gladly turn the video game off and go do something else, like go get food. Hell, I'll just go ahead and die if something is going on. That's why I never got into raiding in WoW, which according to most people is the real meat of the game, because raids took for fucking ever. I'm not going to sit here for hours on end. I need to get up and get drinks or a sandwich or whatthefuckever.

Sometimes I think I'm addicted to my cell phone. I'll be hanging around and I'll feel my phone go off only to find out that nothing happened. Or someone else's phone will go off and I'll check mine even though it's not even the same phone. I believe that part of it stems from not wearing a watch and always wanting to know what time it is. I used to wear a watch, but when I was working at the body shop I was afraid that it would get caught on something and tear my hand and/or arm off, and I need my right hand for stuff, so I stopped wearing one. It's sad when I don't have my phone, I know it's a first world problem, I'll be walking around, unable to tweet stuff, asking strangers what time is it every 10 minutes, ugh what a bleak horrible future this is.

I don't remember the last time I was obsessed with something. Perhaps this is a personal fault. Back when I was 12-14 years old I was really into conspiracy theories. I was new to the internet and my interest in cryptozoology (wow, this was a really long time ago, back before the world beat all the wonder, hope, and belief out of me) led to various UFO and whatnot sites. At first it started off innocently, but pretty soon I was knee deep into the whole reptilian overlord crazyness. One of my favorite ones is that there's a secret underground war, not as in secret but literally underground, between various aliens and alien/human hybrids, I think the Illuminati were in there too. Luckily it didn't get too out of hand, mainly because I was a lot of science fiction back then and one day I thought, there's science fiction stories that make more sense than this stuff. I no longer believe in crazy conspiracies, but now, alas, I no longer believe in Bigfoot. Prove me wrong, Bigfoot, prove me wrong.

rock and roll horror

2011-11-21T20:52:00.006-06:00

I went to a wedding party thing last night. I'm not sure what to call it, it was a party for a wedding, but the actual marriage part happened like 2 weeks ago or something? It was nice. You know. There were heartfelt toasts and pictures got taken. Of course there was some drama, mix booze and something momentous like that and there's always drama. I don't know what happened, a girl crying by the bathroom being consoled by some friends. The thing went down at that hive of villainy, the Cobra Lounge. It was really weird hanging out there, usually when I'm there I'm knocking back beers at the bar while some ridiculous rock band is blasting in background and a lady is spraying sparks from her crotch or something. You can't call a place the Cobra Lounge and not have some attitude, it just wouldn't be American. It was a magical evening for all, I guess, even without getting tacos later on.

One of my favorite parts of the night last night was driving and blasting music, in particular New Amsterdam by Zola Jesus fit the whole night driving thing perfectly. I'm not even a big fan of driving but I wanted to keep going.

I thought this trailer was very cool

Along with the upcoming Lollipop Chainsaw

I hope that this wave of rock and roll horror games is a prosperous one. Usually I'm wary of any survival horror games, mainly because they terrify me, but these look like actual fun as opposed to something I can only play in 15 minute bursts before loading up Tetris. If you didn't notice, both trailers mention a fellow called Suda51, you should totally pick up his video games. If yer looking for something cheap and still have a last gen system lying around (ps2 or whatever) then I recommend Killer 7 as it is fucking crazy.

In theory I should like survival horror video games, I like horror stuff and I like video games, simple right? Right! But no. Resident Evil 1 gave me nightmares, the last night I had nightmares directly inspired by something scary was the first time I saw Evil Dead 2, back when I was 6 years old. When I watch movies, not matter what kind of movie, even if I am totally engrossed by it there is still a level of disconnect. That barrier isn't as relevant in any video game I play, specially good ones. I know that I'm some kind of crazy kung fu motherfucker, or that I can get shot with an Uzi and just respawn, or that if I go through a car wash that the cops will stop chasing me, but every single time I die in a video game my first thought is "I died." It's not, "Solid Snake died." or even "My character died." It is almost always "I died." It's not just the prospect of dying that gets to me in horror video games, after all I can always start again, but the lighting, the mood, the music, all that stuff that is there and I have to deal with it. If it was just a movie then it's not my problem. I don't have to put with my hand trying to kill me, Ash does. I don't have to deal with Apollo Creed, he's Rocky's goddamn problem. But Pyramid Head? Oh shit. Does that make me a wuss? Yeah, probably. But rather than play video games to terrify myself into turning the tv off and turning all the lights on, I play them to have fun.

Pac-Man starring Bruce Willis

2011-11-20T07:56:00.003-06:00

I have been up since 6 AM more or less, a few different alarms went off and I decided. what the hell, let's get up. I wasn't up very late last night, after running around very caffeinated I crashed about 11 PM, just when Tron: Legacy was starting. I wanted to see the beginning of Tron 2 because I saw most of it a few weeks ago and was pleasantly surprised. At 6 30 am today I was standing around thinking, what should I do now? I should go for a jog. Then I laughed.

I work in Old Town, a pretty la dee fucking da Chicago neighborhood. Back in the day it wasn't so fancy, it was kinda grimy, but that was a really long time ago. At any time of day, any time of of the year there are approximately 200 people jogging through the neighborhood, it is insane. If people aren't running outside then you see them at the Xport gym running treadmills (why do people run on those when it's nice out? a mystery for the ages if anything). On the weekends the neighborhood is just clogged with joggers, young dudes, old ladies, groups of them, gossipy pairs. It's getting to the point where I'm starting to recognize some of them, like black kid with buzz cut, always running west around 7 pm. There's a Fleet Feet a block north of North and they must be making a killing! I see people walking around with F.F. bags all the time, 2 at a time sometimes. Madness. I can totally understand everyone running around though, traffic around there is abhorrent.

Check out these Alternate Universe Movie Posters". Some of these would make amazing movies. Charles Bronson in Lone Wolf and Cub? I'd watch that! I'd watch the hell out of that! Particular favorites for me include: The Star Wars by Alejandro Jodorowsky, with an amazing cast. Star Wars 3, staring Christian Bale and Val Kilmer. Spy vs Spy with Michael Caine and Warren Beatty. What? Michael Caine is in some badass movies. I am telling you, they don't make them like they used to. This isn't coming from some nostalgic point of view, I'm not like a 50 year old dude who fondly remembers sneaking into Death Wish. Pac-Man starring Bruce Willis. Hugo Weaving as James Bond! Ah good stuff.

I've been playing Saints Row 2 almost exclusively, with some breaks for Virtual Fighter 5. I really dig SR2 and I'm probably going to get Saints Row the Third before getting Skyrim or Modern Warfare 3. I've said this before but here's one more, for the gusto, Saints Row is like how the latest GTAs would be if they were fun. There! Look, I really, really liked GTA 4. It's a beautiful game, I was all "Oh man, Roman... dead? WHY." You know. But the driving sucked, I hated hanging out with virtual people, and the over the top nature of previous GTAs was wiped out. Sure there's some wackiness, but not nearly enough for me. Luckily the SR series comes in and fill that hole in nicely.

I am really looking forward to Street Fighter vs Tekken. Znagief vs Akuma. YEAH

Basically all I want to do is listen to Iron Maiden

2011-10-27T23:34:00.006-05:00

I was clicking around youtube earlier and found Powerslaves: An Electro Tribute to Iron Maiden, and it's good weird. I'm really digging this version of Aces High by Imatran Voima, it has some awesome allusions to a bunch of old school dance songs. I've been playing Ace Combat 4 recently, which is crazy because that game takes place in the future, 2004 or something. Goddamn. Much like how Gran Tourismo taught me to drive, Ace Combat has taught me to fly machines that go faster than sound, theoretically. I'm sure there's all these details, but what the fuck ever.

One of my best friends doesn't like power metal, I consider him a madman. What other music are you going to use in order to charge into glorious heroic battle?

Iron Maiden - Die With Your Boots on. I had a great Iron Maiden live tape. Nothing like yelling along to Maiden to get your day started off on a positive note. A couple of weeks ago I heard the coolest classic rock station! It was probably some internet thing, I don't know, I heard it at the army surplus store on belmont. It wasn't like the loop being all boring and shit, but actually rocking. When I walked in there was an awesome live version of Electric Eye by Judas Priest and then they played some other good stuff, the kind of stuff that makes old rock fucking rock! Man, I wish there was a good rock station in Chicago. The fucking light fm and oldies stations at work are wearing incredibly thin. Dear satan, I found myself humming along to A Thousand Miles a few days ago. A Thousand fucking Miles! Very slick song, props to that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, here's a song by Stormwarrior, no I don't know who they are but isn't that a great band name? The song is Iron Prayers and that's a badass song title. A few days ago I got sucked into this crazy Northlands metal vortex and it left me feeling like I should be sundering things. I'm afraid that one day I will buy a sword.

Last saturday one of my friends was having a horror movie marathon at their place in order to protest the apparent laming down of the 24 hr horror marathon at the Music Box. I can't attest if the Music Box's marathon was ever cool because I have never been, 24 hrs of horror movies is too much for me to deal with. So I didn't stick around for all of my friend's thing, but I still managed to watch some good stuff. One of the highlights was House from 1986

The movie is pretty cool, really good looking monsters that look like they came straight off covers of mid 80s heavy metal albums, and some good action. It's not that scary unless you think about it. Good times. After hanging out for a while I ended up at some crazy rave-esque party. I haven't been partying a lot but I resolve to party more, if not more that then party harder.

You're all heathens

2011-10-19T18:23:00.002-05:00

How Do We Describe The Heathen?

In our Baptist Sunday School and Training Union we boys were told what the "heathen" are like:

They wear little or no clothes.
They pierce their flesh and even wear rings in their noses and lips.
They streak their faces with paint and weird markings.
They dance and gyrate in obscene fashion.
They drink concoctions that make them tipsy and irrational.
They make vulgar movements and gestures.
They utter profane and angry speech
They beat on drums and make horrible noises
They treat human life lightly and are frequently violent
They are sexually loose and promiscuous.
They worship strange gods and idols.
They sacrifice their children to devils.

from this.

Wolfchant - A Pagan Storm

What a great band name!

Akrona - Liki Bessmertnykh Bogov

Epic stuff. Russians, man, what's up USA? Who really won the cold war? What do we have? Rhianna? Fuck that.

Requiem Of Confusion

2011-10-13T21:10:00.002-05:00

The title of this post is the title of a song by Shinki Chen.

Millie Jackson - I Cry

Wow. Listen to bass it's so damn mean. And those strings! A+

Pagan Altar - Walking in the Dark

Great band name!

Message - Dreams and Nightmares (Dreams)

Bill Withers - Lovely Day

This whole thing started because I was looking this song up. I heard it in 127, the movie about the guy who gets stuck between some rocks and has to amputate his own arm, it was actually really good! And a few days before that one of my co workers put it on. I just thought it was weird. It's a good song too.

Amen Ra - Razoreater

I really don't want to forget this band.

Jex Thoth - Nothing Left to Die

Hey guess which bands are old school and which are more recent summonings!

Alright, alright, good stuff right? The best has been saved for last. Tonight is the first time I heard Dust and I am totally WTF. You should really turn it up loud right now.
Dust - Suicide

2:03 OMG :D

Dust - Learning to Die

!!!

2011-10-10T22:21:00.000-05:00

Look, I took some cold medicine, night cold medicine. One of my favorite things is taking it and seeing how long I can go before I pass out anime style, drooling and with a big ass bubble coming out of my nose. Always fun, but I have very low standards for fun.

Sister Mary of Kickassery, AKA the Ninjutsu Nun

2011-10-03T16:32:00.004-05:00

A while back ago I came up with the idea for a great movie, it would center around Sister Mary, catholic nun and vampire/monster hunter. How? Because nuns' outfits look kinda like ninja costumes (what? don't look at me that way. in my defense, i'm probably warped by all the action movies i've seen, so everything looks like ninjas to me). Then I ran into a comic called Warrior Nun or something equally ridiculous/awesome. I think it was the same thing, but I still SMoK think it would cool movie. It would have to be a mix of 1980s martial arts and 1980s american action movies that I love.

Sho Kusogi would be in it:

hahaha Pray for Death, totally unintended pun

Also Milla Jovovich would play Sister Mary:

(if you decide to watch Ultraviolet then go into it with really low expectations)

Today I saw this video (via Neatorama):

Save for the narrator, the video has the right tone, especially those slow mo parts with the lovely distorted battle cries. Now imagine that dude at the end was a vampire and that cross was also a stake! YES.

drama, back stabbing, editing

2011-09-29T21:30:00.004-05:00

Last night I fired up ye olde Netflix and watched, for the first time in my life, the Jersey Shore. It was terrible, but it gave me an idea, no, not giving back New Jersey to the English, it's not the state's fault, but that I should have my own reality show: The Bruno Shore. It wouldn't be like most reality shows, with all the drama, back stabbing, editing, and scripted events, but a real reality show. You, the viewer, would follow me throughout the day. Watch as I decide what kind of pizza to get! Thrill at me returning library books! Let wonder fill your life as I dance around to Devo songs when no one is watching! Gander at me as I take a hardcore nap, the kind where you end up drooling, anime style, and watch me talk in my sleep as I meet ~~Lady Gaga~~ Batman in my dreams. Of course there will be partying! Now you too can experience the joy of sitting at Goldie's drinking Manhattans, or sometimes they don't have bitters or cherries, so I don't call them Manhattans but Jersey Cities. Then you wouldn't even have to read my blog posts because I could rant directly to the camera. I think the best scenes will be the scenes where I am sitting somewhere, just staring off into space, when suddenly I start laughing because I start thinking about ducks or something. You see? Wouldn't that be cool? You could learn all my secrets, like how I manage to wake up so goddamn early. (Hint: unless I've been out till 4 am, I just do.)

I like this song, it's really sweet: Oh No by All Girl Summer Fun Band

Find more All Girl Summer Fun Band albums at Myspace Music

Vitamin X - Fuck Shit Up.

I think Lady Gaga should write and direct the Batman musical.

Uncontrollable urge to blog

2011-09-26T21:42:00.004-05:00

I HAVE DECIDED that monday is now Devo day. Usually monday is just crying by myself day. I'm sure that this is just a coincidence as Devo doesn't make me sad or annything.

I hardly ever think about Devo. Sometimes I think about their hats. That's about it, really. Like, "Did people in the past think that by the year 2011 everyone would wear those Devo helmets on El? I think so."

I must have seen this video like 5 times earlier today

I started to read Ready Player One today and this song is featured early on in the book, much like the Devo video above, I've listened to it several times. I just like this video because Rodney Dangerfield is in it.

It's not really official that mondays are now dearly devoted to Devo. It would be more fun they were though.

I found the following amusing as well:
"Men in a state of nature, that is a state without civil government, are in a war of all against all in which life is hardly worth living." From this random page I found while looking up "Hobbesian struggle" or something like that which I read in a movie review.

I'll just leave these here

2011-09-02T23:03:00.002-05:00

or Drinking Music

YAY In a perfect world this would be an international hit. Agh it's so good.

This reminds me so much of Fallout. I think I have a problem.

Does Glen Danzig and/or Jerry Only know about Blitzkid? Are either of them going to sue them? They shouldn't cause Blitzkid are their sons.

I like these guys. But I like songs I can sing along to to and whatnot.

I started off listening to Johnny Cash

2011-09-02T21:53:00.006-05:00

And somehow I ended up listening to Rebel Cats from Mexico and you know how bored at home goes. You click on one thing and then another and then you got up way too loud.

Dejenme Rockanrolear - Rebel Cats. Let Me Rock-n-Roll.

Ven a Bailar - Los Leopardos. Come Dance. Whoa!

Maldito Whisky - Los Leopardos. Goddamn Whiskey. These two songs are probably my favorites of the night.

Werewolf Baby - The Flattrakkers. The only non Mexican band of the bunch. Song rocks though.

Lobo Feroz - Los Benders. Big Bad Wolf. AGH This is good too! Plus what a great band name, Los Benders.

Voodoo Rock - The Cavernarios. Fightin' music!

Eres Un Rocker - Los Rebeldes. Hahaha random Japanese rockabilly dudes. The song title translates to "You're a Rocker." Or something.

Saca la Chela - Sr. Bikini. Not sure if the song title is some kind of slang, but literally it means Bring Out the Beer. The band isn't Senior Bikini, it's Mr. Bikini. The video is done in the great(?) tradition of old school luchador movies. Around the minute mark they even give a shout out to one of my favorite songs of all time, Los Luchadores by Conjunto Africa.

Now the next two are the same song, Zombie. The first one is by Los Sleepers and according to the youtube pages they're an "obscure 60s mexican rock" band. It is a little creepy.

Now the cover by Lost Acapulco, a more contemporary band. I love the guitars on it.

2011-07-31T21:39:00.002-05:00

DINOSAURS

2011-07-17T19:26:00.003-05:00

The premise of Terra Nova is the worst save humanity from itself idea. Basically in the far future, when the earth is on it's last legs, people get sent into the past to go live there. BUT THERE'S DINOSAURS THERE. That doesn't make sense. Wouldn't that sort of thing affect the future? We've all read A Sound of Thunder, right? Dinosaurs! Complaining about a tv show I'll watch for 5 minutes in the future! Because there won't be a dinosaur in the first 5 minutes and I will be all like, "Fuck this noise." If I remember when it's on, which I probably won't. Blah blah blah urhg it's too hot. They, the people who report the weather, which is clearly controlled by the government, are predicting a wave to come into the area. Not just any wave, but a heat wave. ~~I haven't left the house all day.~~ (I went to go get some pizza. I felt like such a stoner walking back to the van from which Cypress Hill was blasting, then moving a few spaces down so my brother could go into 7-11. My cutoff dickies and Vincent Black Shadow t shirt, with a silvery winged and horned skull, and sandals, completed the whole mess.) Anyway. I didn't know that there even was a Women's World Cup until last friday. There's a really cool short story titled Kamikaze Butterflies that turns A Sound of Thunder on its head, I believe it's by David... something, you got the internet, you can look it up. What a great title for a story. One of my favorite story titles is Drink My Red Blood by Richard Matheson, it also happens to be the best vampire that I read in 2010. One of my favorite album titles is A Night at the Opera, by Queen, who else. This thought came to me as I was walking west on Lawrence a few days ago. The weather was quite pleasant and the sun felt good on my skin. I had packed an umbrella earlier because when I left the sky was a nice unwashed gray, who was laughing now. Mere minutes earlier I was thinking of the pigeon man who used to hang around just north of the Lincoln statue. He was an eldery gentleman, his clothes rumpled and faded, as if they were just tinged with color, except for browns and blues and blacks. He'd stand there, feed some pigeons, and in a blink of an eye he'd be engulfed with them. You ever see a guy with a beard of bees? Like that, but it was a suit of pigeons. Most people would just keep going on their way after a quick puzzled glance. Some would pretend to ignore it. Every once in a while I would read about him somewhere and once I saw some dudes recording the event and talking to him. He died a few years ago and there's not as many pigeons as there use to be hanging around north of Lincoln. AND SUDDENLY! A BLOGPOST.

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH

2011-07-02T07:21:00.004-05:00

Holy crap is Uncle Sam going to have a threesome in a hot air balloon? Probably. You can see that Fanny and Constance are totally into it as well. "Ladies, would you like to see my blimp?" Man, I bet that line works all the time when you're Uncle Sam.

It's very early.

Have you ever looked at a marshmallow? I mean really scrutinized one? They are really strange.

It was sick how much time I spent playing of Realm of the Mad God yesterday. It's a shooter with a lot of MMO leanings such as classes, loot, leveling, and parties. The style is remicent of the 8 bit games of yore, simple blocky characters and backgrounds, the isometric view is neat but I prefer the regular NES RPG style because it's easier to control. It's not the best game to be social in because it's mostly frantically running around shooting magic(?) at frost elves, plus you can't sell stuff for gold. You can trade stuff but there's no guarantee that the other person will drop the thing you were hoping to get and run off with all the loot. There is no PvP, I imagine it would be a pure hell though with the gleeful blasting away. The only way to get gold is to donate to Wild Shadow, the developers/maintainers, although you don't really need the gold. Fun times.

Things people have called me

2011-06-22T10:30:00.002-05:00

As in "Hey ___" Or what have you

Bro
Dude
Brother
Carnal
Hermano
Cowboy
Tiger
Sir
Guy
Man
Kid
Boss
Compa

I'm going to go lie down over there now, in the dark.

2011-06-16T21:01:00.004-05:00

I've been sick for the last few days and haven't done anything more strenous than getting up from bed in order to go to the couch and vice versa. It's a lot more boring than you'd think. Rather than writhing around in bed or on the couch I have finally broken down and am here. Listening to sad music and staring at the cursor. Good times.

Earlier today I found a DVD case proclaiming to contain the Lethal Weapon series. I thought, sweet! Upon opening the DVD case I didn't find any Lethal Weapons at all, but there was 2 DVDRs in the place of the LW discs. I popped one in the player only to find that it was a bootleg copy of Righteous Kill. The second disc was an even lower quality bootleg of Death Race 2008. If the bootleg was okay I totally would have watched Death Race, EXPLOSIONS! Etc. Damnit, I was really looking forward to to seeing Lethal Weapon for some reason.

I found a new song to weep to at night:

I did manage to drag myself to walgreens earlier to buy cold medicine and tissues. It was horrible. On the way there a real fat lady asked me if I spoke english. Normally this would be a signal for me to feign that I in fact do not speak english, but I said, "Yes, I speak english." Then she asked if I had some money to spare because she was trying to get food. Here's my rule: if you look worse off than me then maybe I'll give you some cash. If you ask me for food, I will buy you food. But not you lady. In fact you could look like you could stand to miss a meal or 15. But I'm nice so I just said no.

Today I watched some tv. I watched some of The Big Bang Theory today. It has a catchy theme song but that's the only good thing about it. I also watched some of the Vampire Diaries. It was also terrible, but if I had to choose one show between the two I'd choose VD. Maybe I'd just choose vd. What was I even expecting from the Vampire Diaries? Dear diary, Woke up today feeling terrible. I am so hungover that the light hurts. Have you ever been that hungover? Well, I guess not seeing as your an inanimate object and so you don't have feelings, so you don't have any sorrow to drown in booze. Ha ha I'm just kidding. Anyway I had so much beer, all the beers. I vaguely remember making out with some chick. Ok. I'm going to go lie down over there now, in the dark. Dear diary, I slept all day long. Literally. I woke up and it's monday. Feeling like death. Called off from work. The boss tried guilt tripping me but fuck that. I felt like I puked out my guts earlier. I must have hit a shady 24 taco place or something. That girl totally bit me, hard. I can't say I remember much about her, wish I did. She had an accent. Dear Diary, this must be some crazy flu or something. Called off work again. Thirsty. Diary. I am hallucinating? I can't see myself in the mirrors. This is going to make it a bitch to shave, ha ha. Sleep now. Etc. But that would be cool. Instead of... whatever was going in that show. Or what about the Umpire Diaries? That would be cool. A documentary about umps. You'd think I'd be playing more video games.

I am reading the most interesting book about rats.

This video was the 2nd funniest thing I saw all day. The first was Superbad.

Ooh good band name

2011-06-09T09:39:00.002-05:00

vivisepulture
"Etymology: Latin vivus 'alive' + sepulture 'burying' "

i have almost straight up cried in public twice in the last week

2011-06-08T16:49:00.004-05:00

1. On sunday a guy came into the store with his dog. That's cool. I don't mind people bringing in their dogs because unlike children dogs are less likely to fuck shit up by grabbing it with their filthy hands (if you bring a dog with hands into the store I will give you a goddamn cookie, before screaming in horror) and, unlike children, dogs won't eat sawzall blades or whatever. Anyway this guy comes in with his dog and my boss says to him, "Wow that's a really calm dog." "Yeah, well he's up there in age, he actually doesn't have much time left." "What do you mean?" "He has cancer." And I swear to Ukupanipo the dog looked at me. I almost lost my shit right there and then.

2. Later that day... I was hanging out in the back room eating a delicious sandwich and watching rugby on tv, good times. Then a commercial with for pet adoption featuring some talking cats came on. Not this one. The commercial is that there's two cats in a shelter and they are hanging out and at the end they say something like, "No one adopted us today, maybe tomorrow." What the fuck, man. They weren't even real cats and there they were ruining my lunch.

I've been watching a lot ch. 5.3. It seems all they show is rugby (those dudes are fucking nuts) and bicycle racing. Sometimes there are ads for other sports but I never see them play anything else. I think those other sports don't actually exist and the station is just fucking with our minds. I would like to watch cool sports on tv like Jousting. What? Don't look at me like that, it's a thing! With all the steam that the Game of Thrones is building up the time is ripe for these guys to make their break through into mainstream entertainment. I for one would rather watch people joust rather than football or something. And why stop at using horses, this isn't medieval england, this is America! They could have people jousting on ostriches, giraffes, really fat dudes on goddamn elephants! The possibilities are endless! Jousting on a raft made out of dozens of tiny dogs!

I KICK ASS FOR THE LORD

2011-05-31T21:45:00.003-05:00

I found out about this video via Christian Nightmares and was pleasantly surprised. I kept thinking they were going to fuck it up by starting to sing or something wussy like that, but no, they just kept doing that very loud music thing.

If I walked into a bar during while they were playing this song I'd be like, "Cool! Hail Satan!"

Aight, time to go back to listen to godless rock and roll!

I MISSED THE SPITS BECAUSE I WAS SOOOOO DRUNK

WHAT THE FUCK

I did see Guitar Wolf. It was amazing.

AMAZING

I love M.O.T.O.

What's your favorite cat food brand?

2011-05-16T17:43:00.008-05:00

I saw this last night on Family Guy.

There, now you saw it too. After asking myself how such a... thing could happen I came to the conclusion that it was all probably due to Tony Montana amounts of cocaine.

One of videos on the sidebar is for Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran. There's a line in that song, "I smell like I sound." It sounds like cheesy 80s pop music, therefore dude must smell like moldy vinyls at a garage sale. There's no music from the 80s that makes any goddamn sense. It doesn't help that my view of the 80s comes mostly from playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, a million action movies and various heavy metal albums, so a little skewed.

I dread that one day civilization will collapse and we'll have to stab people for dented cans of cat food. Mainly because I a big fan of not eating cat food, but a little bit because it won't look as cool as The Road Warrior made it look.

I have been warped by video games and not just from early on. A few nights ago I decided to listen to some tapes I had lying around, mostly old mix tapes, but there's a few actual albums in the pile, one of them being a Big Band compilation. The first thing that popped into my head when I started listening to that tape was Fallout 3, since there's an ingame radio station that only plays Big Band music. I'm sure there are people out there who when they hear this music they remember their good times, but me, I imagine a radioactive, monster infested, urban wasteland.

This is the opening scene to Fallout 3.

http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Wow, I have a working portable tape player. That I use to listen to music from the 1940s. And the music reminds of things that never happened. D: D: D:

Have you played Portal 2? It is amazing. I don't know how a video game that doesn't involve straight up killing everything else (yes, even in racing games i am out to kill everything) that wasn't on my team or me could be so much fun. For a while it was a little weird playing a video game with FPS style controls despite the lack of homicide, but it grew on me, not even like a fungus. Basically you are traversing a labyrinth by using a gun that shoots portals. If something goes into one portal, cubes, lasers, liquids, cake, it goes out the other portal. Easy. PFWAH. It's a puzzle game dressed up like a shooter. It's a hard puzzle game to be sure, sometimes downright baffling, but never in a try and spike the control through the floor and see if it reaches china kind of way. Like other FPS the protagonist is silent, but instead of people yelling at you to "GO OVER THERE. KILL THAT!" There's a variety of hilarious robots and the dynamite Cave Johnson. Sure the single player is all well and good, but the real comedic action comes in the co-op 2 player mode. Since the PS Network was down for several weeks (In other news: i no longer look for cover/sniper positions everywhere i go)I had to play 2 player mode with my brother, hilarity ensued. The coop puzzles are even more intricate than the ones found in single player mode since having 4 portals open at a time can be a total mind fuck. I can see how the 2 player mode can lead to lots of swear words being tossed over the mike because you can't smack someone over the internet, yet. Playing offline was really fun, at one point I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard at some unscripted moment that resulted in an inelegant, yet effective, solution. In either mode I could only handle playing the game for a limited amount of time because ~~I couldn't take the sadistic robot mocking me anymore~~ one can only think so much per gaming session.

Without the PS Network I played a lot of other video games I wouldn't played. And by a lot of video games I mean Mortal Kombat. But I already talked about enough video games for one post. For the love of Satin, I saw a man balance a bowling ball, that was stuffed with knives, that was on fire, stick a scorpion down his pants last week but there's nary a word of it up there. I do appreciate Mortal Kombat. The original Mortal Kombat has a special place in my heart as it was the first video game I remember playing (at a pizza hut). And it is always rife with a delicious ludicrousness, but I will play Street Fighter until they pry my cold dead hands away from the control pad before being shot into the sun when I'm 101 years old.

I've been living in Chicago as long as Richard Daley has been mayor. For a while I thought his first name was Mayor. Rahm Emanuel was sworn into office today. Thus a new era in Chicago politics begins.

and it's going to be FABULOUS.

The symptom of the universe is written in your eyes

2011-05-06T09:40:00.004-05:00

A while back ago a friend of mine gave me a couple of tapes, Darkthrone's Transilvanian Hunger and A Nativity in Black: A Tribute to Black Sabbath, very cool. One of my favorite songs from NiB is Selputura's cover of Symptom of the Universe.

Of course you really can't beat Black Sabbath playing this song, specially the version that follows. Symptom of the Universe starts off at 4:50, but you should really really to the whole thing. Ozzy sounds particularly insane throughout the whole thing yet he manages to top the madness during SotU, actually the whole song is great as it sounds like barely controlled chaos.

Can you imagine listening to that in 1975? According to Wikipedia, the lyrcis were written by Geezer Butler based on a dream he had. I first heard this song way back when I bought the Black Sabbath compilation We Sold Our Souls for Rock and Roll. Of course that was the first time I've heard a lot of Black Sabbath songs other than Iron Man and Paranoid, I have yet to recover.

I have never heard this until today:

Supa-Hero by sHeavy was one of the first songs, that wasn't Black Sabbath, which further exposed me to stoner metal, back in 1999 or so. I have yet to recover.

Link from my bookmarks

2011-05-03T21:26:00.002-05:00

The Siege Warfare category page from Wikipedia? That's exactly what it is.

Suspended Belief

2011-04-28T20:41:00.004-05:00

I'm kinda disappointed that Cardinal Francis George suspended Rev. Pfleger through a letter because the following conversation never had the chance to happen.

Al Pacino as the Cardinal
Matt Damon as Rev. Pfleger

Int. The Cardinal's office. Thick red carpet, dark wood furniture and desk, setting sun going shining through clear plate glass widows behind the desk. An extremely Catholic (lots of blood, anguish, etc) Christ on the Cross is placed over the heavy door. Pictures on the wall of the Cardinal with various Chicago and international figures, including Mayor Daley.

Rev. Pfleger walks into the office, he's wearing a standard Catholic priest outfit and a tan trenchcoat. (I'm not so sure what the Cardinal wears usually)
Rev. Pfelger: Cardinal. Mind if I sit?
The Cardinal: Yes, I mind, Father Plfeger. Look, we're both reasonable men, but you have pushed too many people too far, Plfger! (the Cardinal stands) We overlooked your radicalism, we overlooked your getting tossed in the slammer like a common hood, we overlooked your flagrant disregard for church policy and now you go and pull this stunt!?
Rev. Pfleger: And now you're overlooking what's right, Cardinal. You know as well as I do that I am not prepared to lead a highschool.
The Cardinal: Then you're not prepared to lead a parish!
Rev. Pfelger: Like hell. What have you done for my parish, my community? You sit here or you preach down at that tourist trap you call a church while ignoring the fact that kids are out there getting shot! That communities are getting ripped apart!
The Cardinal: It is not the role of the Church to police the city!
Rev. Pfelger: That's right, the Church is too busy trying to save itself. I've heard of rats leaving a sinking ship, but I've never heard of rats plugging holes.
The Cardinal: Damnit, Pfleger, you're a loose cannon! I'm suspending you as of now, turn in your collar and your bible!
Rev. Pfelger, shocked, then saddened, then angry: I think you should reconsider.
The Cardinal: I am not negotiating! I'm not some craven alderman afraid of a man in black, I am the man in black!
Rev. Pfelger takes of his collar and pulls out his bible from an inner pocket. He then leans down and unstraps a smaller bible from his ankle and slams them on to the desk: You'll need me, Cardinal. You'll need me sooner than you think.
The Cardinal: Not likely. Good day, Rever- ah, I mean, good day Pfelger, I have more important business to take attend to.
They stare at each other. A siren wails in the distance. Rev. Pfelger walks out and slams the door.

my brain hurts

2011-04-27T08:07:00.004-05:00

I've noticed a lot of Star Trek chatter in the last couple of days. You'd think I notice something more important, like, man I don't know, business trends? But no. For example: while leaving from work yesterday, two dudes passed by talking about whether they would prefer having a phaser or a sonic screwdriver (I was elated that for once it wasn't me talking about something crazily nerdy); One of my friends put a Facebook post celebrating the fact that she got the original ST series for 5 bucks, another referred to her haircut as "vulcan"; I ran into a webcomic about the Borg; I saw a Star Trek tshirt, but using the Star Wars font, was momentarily confused. It's weird.

I really like this future timeline this xkcd edition, comic, post? What is it? I am afraid that this post raises more question than it answers, much like my wedding night, but let's get back to the topic at hand. It's an interesting look at what people are using the internet for and what people think will happen in the future. It reminds me of timelines that are frequently found in science fiction novels, which I like to read because they give me just enough info to be fascinated by the spaces of time between noteworthy events that didn't happen. The xkcd chart is made more reminiscent of a sci-fi novel timeline because of the last point, "2101: War was beginning."

One of my favorite science fiction timelines is from The Mote in God's Eye by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Actually it's a pretty good hard science fiction novel about First Contact. Of course it's disastrous.

my god this is a nerdy post.

Dear Dudes,

2011-03-31T22:21:00.005-05:00

Look, I know you sometimes have to carry stuff, I have to carry stuff too sometimes. Usually the best way to do this is in a bag, because it can be hard carrying all that porno and whiskey in your bare hands. Heck, this is America and you can pick from a variety of bags, a laptop bag, a messenger bag, a duffel bag, a back pack, a vintage medic bag, some kind of Indiana Jones type pouch, whatever! But some of you guys are carrying wannabe purses. Bags so small that a teacup chihuahua would die screaming from claustrophobia if you stuffed it in there. What can you possible be carrying in there? Your wallet? 1 paperback book? Your telephone? Cut that shit out.

Earlier today I got some Old School Sega Genesis action on via the Sega Collection for the PS2. When loaded up Sonic the Hedgehog and was horrified to when I noticed the © Sega 1991. That's right, Sonic the Hedgehog is 20 years old.

HAIL SATAN etc

2011-03-25T15:29:00.003-05:00

Cross Examination, tomorrow. Fuck yeah!

What is wrong with me.

2011-03-01T22:05:00.004-06:00

I first heard about Dead Island a when the trailer initially popped up around Valentine's Day, but I didn't pay much attention because I got the gist of it from headlines on blogs and whatnot. I figured video game + zombies = okay, well then, carry on. rimshot. Today I saw the trailer and it really impressed me by how beautiful it is. I don't even want to play the game because I can only be disappointed by it.*

fuuuuuuuck

Noise and screaming sometimes is the best. Turn this up. Missed them at the Abbey because I was too busy seeing MOTORHEAD

Yesterday I found a VHS tape at the library, it was on the bench where people dump stuff, mostly books, that they don't want anymore. I ingeniously call it The Free Stuff Bench. At one point the library had a system in place, with shelves and everything, but much like the noble dodo it disappeared. The label on the tape has some Japanese on it and "Summer 96" as well. I was... overjoyed is the wrong word for it but it comes pretty close, mainly because I was hoping that it was someone's vacation in japan in 1996. I popped the tape into the VHS player when I got home, rewound it a bit and pressed play about 2 hours (according to the timer on the VCR) and the news was on. Wait, the Japanese news was on. From a cursory view of the news I gathered that there was some kind of heatwave going on. Not too interesting, but wait! The commercials. Oh dear, the commercials. There are a lot of commercials for summer festivals and one for a water park that plays ad nauseum, what it being summer and everything. There's a bunch of wacky commercials but my favorite is the one for the Game Boy Pocket featuring a cast of color coded cool kids and their matching Game Boys. I like to imagine that they are a superhero team, akin to the Power Rangers but with more quests that involve going to the store to get more batteries. I rewound the tape some more and saw some of a audience participation game show. During the first few minutes the host does a monologue and then a horrible man/insect pops out and they wittily banter for a while. Yes, man/insect. It's a guy with a big plastic head that has antennae sticking out, wearing a rigid suit designed to look like a grasshoppers thorax, his arms and legs are in brown tights and he occasionally fiddles with 2 pairs of middle legs. I also watched most of a show about pachinko machines, half of it consisted of a tour of a humongous pachinko parlor complete with karaoke rooms and a restaurant called Fresh Burger, the other half is focused on an Aladdin and the Genie based pachinko machine. I watched almost of this section without fast forwarding any part. There's nothing interesting going on, just lights going off, all sorts of noises, things spinning, and a never ending rain of polished ball bearings bouncing around. What is wrong with me.** According to the timer on the VCR there is six hours of Japanese TV on the tape. I plan to watch it all because hopefully there will be an answer to the questions it has raised: Why would anyone record so much TV? Is it a tape from japan to someone who is homesick? Is it a tape made by someone who wanted a weird but cheap souvenir to take home? Did someone who appear on the news decide to record their 15 seconds of fame? Is it someone who knows the horrible bug man? Questions, all these questions, and no answers! The best thing is that it has brought some wackiness into my other wise dreary life. Ha ha ha.

* Also because survival horror games scare me. A lot. Weird, right?
** Please don't answer that.

Only way to feel the noise is when it's good and loud,

2011-02-21T20:33:00.002-06:00

I went to 2 rock shows last week. One was at the Empty Bottle, a small bar with some of the consistently best sound in the city; the other was at the cavernous, decaying Congress theater, home of what's possibly the worst sound in the whole of Chicago. What a world.

Unlike most Valentine's days in recent years I didn't spend this one sitting alone in the dark crying, encrusted in drying lube, only to to find out that it wasn't valentines day and it was actually my birthday. The point is that I was at the Empty Bottle last monday. The first band up was The Pleats playing their rollicking all girl rock. I dig them, their music reminds me of a hello kitty chainsaw. They played well but sounded a little thin. Dark Fog came on second, bringing some heavy psychedelic rock. The seams to the tapestry of wahwah pedal goodness were shown whenever the singer would sing. They had some really good psychedelic freak out parts, the kind of music to stare at black light posters and smoke entirely too much weed to. They should have just done that all set. Last time I saw White Mystery was on the day before Halloween, so I was pretty drunk and I assumed that's why they rocked, despite the awesome songs on their myspace page. On monday I wasn't trashed and White Mystery fucking killed. It's hard to believe that only two people can make such an awe-inspiring racket, but hey, there they were doing it, melting faces as the kids say. They sound like a goddamn tyrannosaurs. The Empty Bottle never turns it up loud enough, a shame because White Mystery needs to be heard at decibel levels so high that they knock over houses. I love this band.

Find more artists like White Mystery at Myspace Music

The second concert I went to was on saturday. I was waiting for a beer at the Bob Inn when some guy said to me, "Hey, you look like someone who should be at the Motörhead show." Or something. I was pretty drunk at the time mainly because I decided that if I wasn't going to go see Motörhead I was at least going to get Motörhead drunk. What does that even mean? It means drinking fast and hard, just enough to hate everything. So I said to the guy, "Don't have tickets." "Well, here you go." And he handed me a red ticket that had Motörhead printed in big black letters. I chugged the beer, told my friends that I'd be back in a while, ran out the bar and into a taxi to the Congress theater. I walked into the Congress' auditorium without stopping to look at the merch tables. The easiest way to get to the front is to stand behind someone who is going to the front and coast along the openings they make. Unfortunately I was behind a really slow person and I wasn't about to stand in the back of the Congress like a rube, so I got in front of them and got up front. En route some guy said, "Relax." At which point I gave him finger and yelled Motörhead at him. I got as far as the pit and decided that I was close enough. I didn't really see Lemmy and the crew as I had taken my glasses off (i have lost quite a few pairs in pits) and the sound at the Congress is atrocious, I've never been there and heard a clear word spoken or a clean note played, so rather than seeing or hearing them I experienced Motörhead. Luckily they play LOUD AS FUCK so I could make out what was going on. It kinda sounded like a freight train full of cannonballs crashing into a factory that makes fire. I did what any sensible person would do and moshed. The crowd was really interesting, an eclectic mix of all the Chicago rockers, be they metal heads, punks, or whatehaveyou, It is inspiring. The word awesome is thrown around a lot these days, but saturday night at the Congress, drunk off booze and noise, dancing and howling and chanting with all of the rockers, to fucking MOTÖRHEAD defines awesome.

Sandwiches I Have Eaten #2

2011-02-03T09:35:00.003-06:00

You see that? That is a genuine Philly cheese steak sandwich from Philly's Best on Belmont. I ate that so hard that it was almost erotic. (Specially if you like to watch dudes eating sandwiches.) I've been going to Philly's best for a decade now! It used to be that I would go before or after a show at the Metro or at the old Bottom Lounge, grabbing a slice of their pretty good pizza and a huge drink. Nowadays I don't go to the Metro as often, not to many shows that catch my attention, and the old Bottom Lounge is long gone having being replaced by nothing, but I still go to Philly's. It was only last year that I had the cheese steak sandwich for the first time. I know, I can't believe it myself!

I headed over to Philly's Best last saturday after my unsatisfying lunch of chickpeas, just chickpeas, after work. I was thinking about the sandwich for a while, visualizing my goal, some motivational speakers might say. But then it just went from a regular sandwich into a sandwich with sexy lady legs, lustily beckoning me to partake in its melty goodness. I got to PB, ordered my sandwich; an Original Philly Cheese Steak, american cheese, grilled onions and a drink. I got my number called out after only a brief wait. I didn't immediately go to town the second I got to my table because I took a picture. So I take a bite and proceed to burn the hell out of the roof of my mouth. Did that stop me? Not really. I took a few gulps of my coke and went back to eating. I sat there for a while kind of dazed from the sheer amount of meat (yes yes, that's what she said) and cheese and deliciouness. The whole shebang cost me a little less than 10 dollars, but if you want to be cheap there's a subway a couple of door away. Come on really?

PB's Cheese Steak is a wonderful thing, at it's core it is nothing but meat, onions, cheese, and bread. I didn't have enough money to get more toppings like I wanted that day, but I the only other topping I usually get is green peppers. The best food I have is usually really simple stuff, no exotic or outre ingredients, no fancy preparation techniques, you know something that is easy to learn to make but hard to master. They have the regular huge almost foot long and the 6 in variety in case you want to be a pansy. There's a chicken variation and you can get any of them as a wrap instead of a sandwich.

SHIT! How come it is just now that I am hearing of Baby Huey!

2011-02-02T21:52:00.001-06:00

This is baaaaaad! Damn!

Even though the postapocalypse seems to be all the rage

2011-01-27T21:41:00.003-06:00

I am still a big fan of post-apocalyptic anything, despite the fact that I would probably die from pure grief should I survive some kind of worldwide cataclysm just from having to face a world without pizza. It's just cool. Is the post-apocalypse still the rage? Who knows. Sometimes I think of things that would still remain in the wastelands, like the Price Is Right. "Our next prize! A set of almost new tires! Your bids?" "10 cans of cat food!" "These forks!" "A liter of gas!" That would be awesome. Anyway. One of my favorite post-apocalyptic things is Romantically Apocalyptic, a marvelous webcomic about the adventures of The Captain and his squad,pilot, sniper and engineer, in the bleak future. You should go ahead and read it all. Now.

RAR RAR RAR

2011-01-26T21:37:00.003-06:00

Mantic Ritual fucking rule!

Satanic Death Robot Would Be A Good Band Name

2011-01-18T20:38:00.006-06:00

Last night I got to Reggie's just as Predator was taking the stage. They played an enthusiastic set of crunchy thrash, the kind of shit that you listen to while drinking cheap beer and spray painting 666 on stuff to. I don't mean enthusiastic as crappy but admirable, just admirable since they were pretty good. They are a young band and if they keep going down the road of fucking rock they will be a force to be reckoned with in the future.

Souls Demise came on next. Their best parts were their heavier stuff and I dug the power metal tinged solos. They should just go ahead and play death metal! They got the chops for it and it would fit them tighter than a glove made out of the skin of baby Jesus or whatever, hail satan.

I've seen Whut? several times, and none of those times have ever involved a modicum of sobriety, except last night. I always thought Whut? were cool because I was drunk and it's the kind of music to be drink lots of beer while yelling, but it turns out they are a really tight, fierce, and uh good band. They play a bastard hybrid of hardcore and metal that's reminiscent of oh Lamb of God in a damn good way. Fuck yeah! Good for driving a monster truck to and maybe EXTREME flower arrangement.

I Decline came on 4th. What a deal, I was thinking, 5 bands for 12 bucks! At that point I was thinking that I Decline was going to be cool sounds like a something a cool straight edge HXC would be named, but I should have seen trouble coming when I saw that there were 5 mikes on stage. 5! They came on and they were loud. I like loud. Alas! They kept going. They played some really slick heavy metal, in fact it shouldn't be heavy metal, more like harder than usual rock. Despite their kinda cool psychedelicesque grooves and high energy they were aesthetically offensive to me. Bah.

I Decline had so much gear that Toxic Holocaust would seem under equipped to the casual observer. MAN. Toxic fucking Holocaust! Who'd thing that harsh songs heavily centered around the post-apocalypse that sound that they are being sung by some kind of satanic death robot would be so awesome. Oh wait, that sounds really fucking cool! Toxic Holocaust started off with Joel Grind growling, "Do we have any wild dogs here tonight?" before blasting into the song by the same name. He doesn't sound as much as an evil robot live but dude comes very close. They were fucking sharp, blazing through songs without falling into the trap of playing too fast as to render the songs unrecognizable. Ronnie's has very good sound and it's even better when good bands put it to proper use. At one point I saw some old dude moshing, I'm talking like grandfatherly old. If you're getting the elderly to mosh you are doing waaay better than okay. So I see this old guy moshing and it made me think, "Fuck you old man." Then I jumped into the circle pit. I'm not big mosh fan, most of the time I'd rather hang around the edges and pick people up than get into the fucking madness. But I decided that I couldn't just stand there while a guy who might qualify for medicare was out there. Of course I got caught in the whole thing as one is wont to do in a pit and it was a blast, but I really wanted to slam into that older gentleman You see how good Toxic Holocaust was? They made me want to hit an old person.

I also went to a really good show on friday night but I was really drunk so I can't remember any details except that all the bands are from Chicago and they rock. Oh wait, I do remember something... A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL.
You should listen to them!
Mickey
Liquor Store
Pink Torpedo
The Pleats

FUCK YOU, SPACEMAN

2011-01-14T00:18:00.005-06:00

So I just read this article on space.com about how aliens, as in extra terrestial beings, not my relatives, could be a menace to earth. Right after that I saw this trailer for Battle: Los Angeles, via Obvious Winner

That's a pretty cool trailer. I would have prefered if it had ended on a more melancholy note, what with that delicious sad vocoder song and all.

Terrifying. Luckily I've had some beers to which have dampened any fear/paranoia but have increased the desire to go outside and yell at the sky. I may bow down to my robot overlords, but I'll be damned if I pledge allegiance to ET.

I used to love this album way back when.

Hats of to you New Belgium Brewing for making consistently great beers!

I originally started the night of with all intentions of going out, but it degenrated into playing Tetris, yelling at the tv, and eventually to the drinking, which has rendered me lazy enough to stare at the internet for a few hours.

You do not hosts this banquet, DEATH hosts this banquet!

2011-01-09T21:03:00.003-06:00

I have comic books, many comic books! Some of them are from the early nineties even. Yes... back from when people used to have to walk to the video rental place to get a movie on VHS. If you have any comics from that era there's a good chance you have seen an ad for something called Dragon Strike. For the longest time I had no idea what it was; sure I knew the obvious things, that it was made by TSR, that it was tied into Dungeons and Dragons, that it had something to do with a video tape, but that's it really. TODAY! The mystery is has come unraveled like a mummy that was riding a tilt-a-whirl that has been caught in a twister! Check out this post at IO9 featuring the same video that was featured in those mysterious ads of yore! It is hilarious!

This post apocalyptic version of What A Wonderful World is fucking cool!

bands to drink a lot of beer to

2011-01-06T20:30:00.004-06:00

There are some rollicking bands coming to Chicago. I'm talking about the kind of bands to drink a lot of beer to and have an interesting night to, so the kind I like the best.

Early Man rocks! I totally regret missing them at Metal Shaker

Ty Segall

Toxic fucking Holocaust!

DRI

The Detroit Cobras

Wavves

There's also a lot of cool bands coming to the Congress Theater, but they are playing at Congress Theater which has the worst sound in the city! I've been to concerts everywhere in the city, dingy basements, bars, auditoriums and arenas, and no where has the sound ever been as bad as congress. It is disappointing having to think "Oh maybe I won't go see MOTORHEAD (if i could be anyone else I'd be Godzilla or Motorhead) because they are playing at the Congress." Fuck. It's a badass bill too, Motorhead, Clutch, and Valiant Thorr. If Chuck Berry had been performing anywhere else on Jan 1 I would have gone, but he played at the Congress and now he might die or something! GAH! Okay my hangover didn't help but that's besides the point.

The Stooges make everything better

2011-01-05T20:11:00.002-06:00

I was driving back from the mall (i don't want to talk about it) when this song came on the radio.

That set of GG Allin's last day is weirdly scary.

2010-12-19T20:39:00.004-06:00

Doesn't summer time look great?

2010-12-17T20:58:00.000-06:00

Fuck that I am going to play PS1 games and listen to death metal.

2010-12-12T10:18:00.006-06:00

I got up today and saw that it was snowing, then I considered staying in bed, fuck everything. But I can't just lay in bed because I would get bored and then I'd just be lying there like a rube. So I decided to get up and hang around the house listening to the radio and maybe reading, this being the early 1900s I would then crank start my horseless carriage and go over to the general store to pick up some newfangled Coca Cola and some opium, for my nerves.

I feel like I should know how to start a fire, with sticks or squirrels, with the objects at hand. It's not like I am stomping around the woods or anything but it might come in handy.

Damnit NASA

2010-12-02T21:15:00.003-06:00

When I found out that NASA was going to release some news today "that will impact the search for extraterrestrial life." I was interested, but wary, mainly because I didn't want to jump to ridiculous conclusions. And it turned out that they discovered a kind of microbe can build itself using arsenic, which is pretty cool, but c'mon now. It was even found on earth.

"The definition of life has just expanded," said Ed Weiler, NASA's associate administrator for the Science Mission Directorate at the agency's Headquarters in Washington. "As we pursue our efforts to seek signs of life in the solar system, we have to think more broadly, more diversely and consider life as we do not know it."

Well... duh. I can't believe they spent time and effort to come up with that. Shit, there's crazy as hell things living on Earth.

Not today, Randy. Not today.

One of my friends sent me a text about how NASA found a life form that's radically different from us, as in Earth wide. My first thought was, is it edible? My second thought, what does it taste like? Reading about it later on I felt kind of disappointed by the whole thing. But then again my mind is warped by 2 decades of science fiction and relatively access to science news through a variety of media has exposed me to all sorts of cool things.

I actually just read a really good story in The Mammoth Book Of Extreme Science Fiction anthology about first contact with extraterrestrial life. The Story is Wang's Carpets by Greg Egan. At first they think that it's a kind of plant, but then they figure out that the thing is a single gargantuan cell, and then things get interesting. The whole anthology is pretty cool, as in every collection of stories there are some I couldn't get into but there's a bunch more stories I really liked in different flavors of sci fi. The first story that jumps to mind is Death In The Promise Land by Pat Cadigan, it features virtual realities, murder, and good old fashioned gumshoeing; however, looking at the contents it's hard to pick out one story I liked above the rest. Good times. I still think that The Mammoth Book Of Mammoths would be a hit.

Also science fiction-esque is the deployment of the XM25, cool! I can't wait for this thing to start popping up in ridiculous action movies.

I don't even know anymore

2010-12-01T19:19:00.007-06:00

Recently there's been an upswing in Tron related things, clothes, comic books (do we really need a Troned out Ghostrider?), a Tron porn. Steampunk is big too. Still going strong for some reason. The only logical thing to do is to combine both looks. THUS:

Now I won't have to talk about Call of Duty Black Ops for the rest of the week

2010-11-28T17:56:00.008-06:00

Most of my weekend was spent hanging around the house playing Call of Duty: Black Ops. I was initially expecting another foray in the bleak world of USA black ops set in the present day, but COD:BO is actually set during the Vietnam War and the Cold War eras. Pretty sweet. Like the last few games in the COD series you end up playing as a few different characters throughout the game and jump around the world a bunch, but in the end you are basically blowing everything up while howling triumphantly.

My experience with the Cold War is very limited, what with being born in 1985 and whatnot. So of course most of my knowledge of the Cold War has come from movies made in the 80s, ludicrous action movies. Black Ops' campaign mode is a great homage to commie killing movies of yore. The single player mode is chock full of great set pieces that involving a prison escape from a brutal Gulag, stealing a helicopter that is made out of guns, running from a cloud of weaponized neurotoxin on the roofs and through the alleys of Hong Kong, infiltrating a mysterious bio-weapons lab, and a really cool boat ride in Vietnam. One of my favorite parts (scenes?) is when after rappelling down a mountain, you and your team swing through the windows of a control room spraying glass and bullets everywhere. It's just as badass as it sounds. Alas the campaign mode is rather short and, despite the fact that you are never on your own, there is no co-op. I played it on medium difficulty which provided a good challenge, but nothing that made me want to yell at the TV or throw things. There are a few points where enemies just keep on spawning and spawning and spawning, but fuck it, you have grenades and you did pick up that RPG a while back ago. The AI on your side is kind of dumb and will sometimes just stand around while you are being shot at by a dozen dudes.

One of my favorite features of Black Ops is the sheer amount of guns that you can use. There are 36 straight up guns in the game, not even counting a few rocket launchers and the crossbow (equipped with explosive bolts!). Oh man, I forgot to mention the tomahawk and the ballistic knife, which is a knife that shoots out the blade. Ludicrous. Okay, lots of guns, big deal, everyone who is alive now knows what an AK47 is, even babies. But what the hell is a G11? It's an assault rifle that can fire 2000 rounds per minute in addition to looking like something from the future. The various attachements add another level of depth and insanity, such as the masterkey attachment, which is a shotgun that attaches to your gun. Unfortunately you can't use the masterkey on a shotgun because it would be silly. What's the point of having so many goddamn guns anyway? Pft, to shoot complete strangers over the internet with, everyone knows that.

The bullets have adorable whiskers on them.

One of the wonders of living in this bleak horrible future is being able to play army through a series of tubes and Black Ops does it in style. You get a variety of multiplayer modes, from your standard deathmatch to various objective based matches such as capture the flag, demolition (blow up their thing before they blow up your thing), and a few more modes. One of the best things about this reiteration of multiplayer is the ability to pick and choose what weapons and perks you want. It's so customizable that you can even pick the color and look of your laser reticle. There's a wide variety of perks that you can pick for your custom class and play style. My philosophy to playing online is easy, "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets." As a result my favorite class involves an M60 with a scope, the lightweight perk allows me to run fast with this monstrosity, the warlord perk lets me put a grip on the M60 to keep it stable as I shoot 100 bullets into the general direction of my foes, and the ninja perk completely silences my foot steps. Also I have a rocket launcher. The multiplayer is deep and there is plenty for everyone who enjoys blowing shit up. It can be a little overwhelming for, as the kids say, noobs, mainly because some people are just so damn good at the game. Most of the irritation comes from other players, whether it be their incessant chatter or camping, truly hell is other people, but this is all solved through being able to mute people and shooting the hell out of them. My favorite game mode is team death match. I consider it the most pure mode of reaching out and killing someone. Multiplayer in barebones streamlines TDM and a few other modes to the most basics, which means no perks, no weapon attachments, and no kill streaks and it is still a blast to play. The coolest part of multiplayer mode is that you can play it splitscreen with someone else in the room! That's fucking dope!

There's also zombie mode, but that terrifying and I hardly played it. Basically you kill zombies. What more do you want?

GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE.

Drinking music!

2010-11-26T19:12:00.004-06:00

POPE MOUSE!

2010-11-22T20:45:00.007-06:00

While I was looking through Morbid Anatomy I found this awesome picture:

YES. Of course this led to Crappy Taxidermy and that's just another can of worms, or in this case hilariously posed mice. (i want to see that band.)

Or is it Mouse Pope? WHO KNOWS

They finally got around to building a better mouse trap! It was at work when I got there today and I proceeded to be intrigued.

This thing is great/horrible! It's about the size of a 40 oz, maybe a little bigger. You put the thing where the rats/mice are and then flip the switch to on and let the magic happen. Since you baited the back of the thing (before turning it on!) the rascally rodents walk right on in, stepping on two metal plates of the bottom of the device and completing the circuit. That's right, it electrocutes the fuzzy little bastards! One of my coworkers brought a good point, wouldn't there be parts stuck to the metal plates after a while? The solution is elegant in its simplicity, just spray some Pam in there before activating it. Anyway, you don't even have to touch the vermin, just shake out the crispy corpse into a garbage can/stroller/mailbox. Someone got paid to make that thing.

You probably know that

2010-11-18T20:46:00.003-06:00

Kirk Hammett kicked a kid in the face. But if you haven't seen the video... Kirk is kicking around some giant black balloons, because giant balloons in any other color would not be metal. So he's doing that for a while until he kicks a kid someone was holding up. Psssshhh. If I was a multimillionaire rock start I would kick children in the face all the god damn time. I would go out of my way to kick children. I would write a song and call it, "I will kick your child (in the face.)" Whenever I would perform there would be a point where I get people to bring up their kids so I could kick them and then I would extol the parents, mainly by giving them a beer via beer bong shaped like a bigger beer bong. Hell, I would kick kids when even if I wasn't on stage, because I'd be an ultra rich, big shot, fuck you, rockstar. And then I'd toss a wad of money at them that would explode all hilariously and the bills would flutter down as the kid looks on as I climb into my limo and laugh.

Danny Devito as manspider = hilarity.

Obvious Winner is pretty dope.

Oh fuck this song... is glorious. I was initially put off by the vocals, but somewhere along the 4th listen through I realized that I love the whole thing.

I dig this band. According to their myspace site Lamp of Thoth's mission can be boiled down to one sentence, "We want to doom the doomiest doom that doom can doom!" I can live with that.

What a wonderfully futurmelancholic song.

You make me sick.

2010-11-09T20:00:00.004-06:00

This is either complete genius or utter stupidity, I'm not sure. I can understand the mosh violence but what's up with the scene where a bunch of dudes jump a guy. C'mon now. I stumbled upon this video while looking for a really funny Hardcore, or whateverthefuck it's called, video I saw a while back ago but I guess this will do.

Great stuff at Our Valued Customers.

Why doesn't he just shoot people?

2010-11-05T16:46:00.003-05:00

What

2010-11-04T22:38:00.003-05:00

I- I don't even what the fuck. There are a lot of crazy cuts in this video, but damn if I didn't watch it like 5 times. I remember seeing Enter The Ninja and not liking it because I thought they fucking with my head (not personally or anything), but now that I know they are for real, I think, it renders the whole thing in a brand new sorta cool light. I still stand by original statement of double u, tee eff. Or should I say Zef?

Questions I've asked my sister's chihuahuas

2010-11-04T20:27:00.004-05:00

Aw, who's been excommunicated by the catholic church?
Aw, who wants a taco?
Aw, who doesn't speak english?
Aw, who needs constant reassurance or they'll die?
Aw, who doesn't have a soul?
Aw, who likes to roll around in filth?
Aw, who doesn't have thumbs?
Aw, who isn't duck billed?

2010-11-03T12:04:00.002-05:00

This is dope, fly, fresh, kumquat, etc

I love Through the Fire and Flames. The first time I heard it I went out and bought the album. I am listening to the album version of the song right now. SO FAR AWAY WE WAIT FOR THE DAY FOR THE LIGHTS ARE SO WASTED AND GONE ahem

2010-10-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

diet consists of various road-kill

2010-10-24T19:58:00.000-05:00

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/episodes/a-murder-of-crows/full-episode/5977/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcyzubFvBsA&feature=fvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBc18J5cUcs&feature=channel

Found this guy

2010-09-08T19:39:00.002-05:00

On the counter at work a few days ago.

2010-08-21T21:18:00.004-05:00

I saw Scott Pilgrim VS The World a couple of days ago and was pleasently surprised by how cool the music was. For real. Like this song by "Crash and the Boys."

Fuck, that bass line!

I've also been digging this song, because I want to slay dragons and shit.

I'm going to see these guys on saturday

2010-08-04T22:23:00.000-05:00

2010-07-26T19:13:00.001-05:00

Sandwiches I Have Eaten 1

2010-07-14T21:34:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I went out with some friends, insert montage of drinking at a bar set to this song. Despite drowning my brain in booze I was up way early on sunday. After lying on my bed for a while staring at the ceiling I decided to go get breakfast, but I didn't want to leave the house. It was really early. So I decided to make myself a sandwich for breakfast and this is the sandwich I made:

shitty cellphone picture is shitty
First I cooked the chorizo. While that was going on I sliced up some onion and a tomato. Once the chorizo was done I fried the onion in the leftover drippings. Then I poured the whole thing on to the bread that had queso on it, then the tomato went in, then some real american cheese on top of that, followed by the bread. Then I proceeded to cook the whole thing on the leftover goo of chorizo and onion, until the cheeses became nice and gooey. The only problem I ran into was flipping the thing over. I should have cut it in half. I took a picture of it because I was kinda surprised I had manage to pull the operation off without any calamity. It was delicious. Perfect thing for the sorta hungover. It would be way better for lunch though, since it would go great served with krunchers and maybe an rc or a pacifico. The appeal would also increase if it was served on a plate instead of a paper towel.

The Art of Getting Really Drunk and Loosing My Hearing

2010-07-12T20:25:00.004-05:00

On saturday I decided to go to Reggie's. After downing a good size whisklurpee (get a slurpee and then pour whiskey in it. it is by the far the best drink i have ever come up with, the one other drink i made up (tepid vodka and cold coffee, just like in russia!) is testament to madness.) I found myself in line at Reggie's along with the unwashed masses of freaks yearning to breath free, and by breathing free I mean drinking copious amounts of booze, so the typical metal crowd. At some point the doors open and everyone trudged in.

The show took a really long time to start, long enough for the crowd to start chanting "Start the show!," for the first band to come on stage. It was way cool that Chicago's own Disrobe opened up, but they were cursed by the opening band syndrome of short set time and low volume. The audience dug them, which was really cool, but it hunger makes the best spice as they say.

Raise the Red Lantern (i think) came on next and they went and squandered any momentum that Disrobe built it up by sucking. But one of my friends kept buying me beers and that kept my mind off them. Their fatal mistake was that they were rather ponderous. Oh wait not it was their sucking.

The third band, Vöetsek, proceeded to kill. They played fast and loud, finally. You know how sometimes you smoke some weed and you're thinking, ah I'm not high at all, so you go off on your business and then while waiting in line at subway or something it hits you so hard you almost fall down? Vöetsek were kind of like that, they snuck up on me and it was like getting hit with a water balloon full of thrash metal.

Municipal Waste's set was exactly what I expected it to be, fast, rowdy, and stuffed with all the ridiculous thrashness that MW always brings. It was one of those shows where I couldn't fight the compulsion to toss my glasses at a friend and jump into the pit. After the show my straw cowboy hat, which has a metal wire in the rim to shape it, looked like a spider that had been smacked with a heavy book. Alas, Municipal Waste fell down that slope of playing so fast that set seems way shorter than it actually was, and even then it wasn't a long set.

For real, an all ages show? I know the 17+ shows go on pretty late, I don't know why they didn't go with that option. If they had I can imagine having to stand around listening to another shitty band, so it's a wash. Reggie's is always pretty cool about everyone having a good time, hell they'll let you go feed the parking meter! They won't let you do that shit at the Metro, much less the goddamn Aragon or whathaveyou. It was a pretty good metal show, the perfect thing to be totally trashed on some weird concoction, running into various people, and waking up the next day feeling like you fell of a cliff.

Ah ha

2010-07-04T16:20:00.003-05:00

What are you doing for the next hour?

2010-06-13T00:15:00.005-05:00

Here's the answer: Listening to Dopesmoker by Sleep. Unless you want to wussy out. According to various sources (a few rock mags, sundry stoners and metalheads), Sleep spent all of their advance, which ranges from 5000 to 1 mil dollars, on a plethora of the most hardcore pot they could find. After smoking all of it in one go they went and recorded Dopesmoker, a single nearly hour long song. They submitted it to their record company and the company proceeded to freak the fuck out. Thus the company edited it and released it as Jerusalem. Eventually Sleep managed to get Dopesmoker put out as they intended. It's a pretty crushing track, it's what Godzilla would sound like as he stomped through whatever hapless country. The only word I can come up to describe the crushing tempo is menacing.

What the hell NPR?

2010-06-05T13:50:00.001-05:00

I heard a bit of this on NPR today

Mercyful Howl

2010-06-02T10:36:00.004-05:00

Look at this specatcular album cover

It is the cover for Full of Hell by Howl (you can, and should, listen to the whole album here). On their myspace site you'll also see that the horrible skeleton, which is on fire, is holding on to some kind of evil artifact. Even without all that, if it was just the screaming on fire skeleton, I'd still love this album cover. It's a bit reminiscent of the cover for Mercyful Faith's Don't Break the Oath, which also happens to be one of my favorite album covers of all time.

badass!

Howl has some rocking tunes, the kind of metal I want on when I'm doing stuff and the kind that better be played so loud at live show that it would make your eyeballs quiver like a jello dish being transported in a monster truck. They are opening for Pentagram at Reggie's on the 18th. I'd like to go to that, but I really want to go see Eyehategod at the Empty Bottle on the 19th or 20th. Ideally I'd go to both (all 3!), hearing damage be damned.

For real, Empty Bottle, turn the volume up.

2010-05-21T21:49:00.002-05:00

Yesterday evening I headed out to the Empty Bottle to check out Mickey, Nobunny, and The Spits. It was a good show to break up with someone to, or at least that's what it sounded like. Mickey is the perfect band to get into a big fight with someone to, like yelling at the top of your voice and leaving with a loud as hell, "Fuck you." Nobunny filled the spot of the music a friend would have one when you showed up all bummed out and angry, pretty good until you thought about it. The Spits are the band you see when you decide to drown your sorrows with cheap booze at some raucous bar and you end up howling along nonsensically along with while spilling your beer and realizing that life is good.

Last time I saw Mickey it was at the Black Lips show at the Logan Square Auditorium, they were pretty good then but I thought that they'd be better somewhere smaller, grimier, someplace like the Empty Bottle. They rocked. They're kinda glamy, not that it's a bad thing at all, not in that hair metal sort of way, but in the old school rocking way. If glam rock is a feather boa, then Mickey plays a kind of rock that is a feather boa that's been covered in motor oil. I don't dig their slower, light stuff, it's strikes me as being candy coated. Their stompier numbers are a great thing though. The set started off with the lead singer in the middle of the crowd of various rock freaks and that got the party started rather well. Solid, like an old school electric guitar you find in a filthy garage.

A few of my friend told me about Nobunny, maybe even hyping them. I eventually relented and listened to them besides the terrible band name. What? It's not a good band name. If I was left to my own devices I would never have listened to them just because of the name. The stuff I heard was okay, but I'm not sure if it's suppose to be annoying on purpose. I guess that's punk rock? The lead singer's voice is grating. Their set started off with a really cool song, but they didn't stay that way. They had damn good stage presence, jumping around and rocking quite adequately, but never going over that edge that would have made them badass. I still thought the lead singer was annoying. Good for them.

The Spits came on last and I said to myself, "Right on." How can you not? Dudes had a big glow in the dark skull with red strobe lights for eyes and the first thing they did was light a cymbal on fire. Then they proceeded to play a set of the best kind of music, fast and rocking. They should have been louder. Why don't they ever turn up the great bands at the Empty Bottle to the point where it almost hurts? Pentagram was pretty loud, I think... That was a strange night. Anyway! I imagine that gospel musicians have the same effect on the faithful as the Spits had on the various freaks, miscreants, punks, and rockers last night. You know, dancing around and arms in the air, howls of appreciation in a great lurid fashion after each song. Man. The Spits sounded like what the Ramones would sound like if the Ramones had grown up listening to Misfits. It's bands like these that make me want to toss up the horns and and yell for more until my ears bleed and my eyeballs have liquefied. If the Spits had come on second, I would have left during Nobunny's set.

Mickey are playing a show on June 18 at the Mopery along with Box Elders, Yolks, Church of My Love, Lover!. Huzzah!

If only I'd known how cool death is I'd have killed myself sooner

2010-04-16T08:00:00.007-05:00

So Peter Steele is dead. You know the lead singer/ringleader of Type-O-Negative, those purveyors of gloomy, yet incredibly popular, heavy metal. It's hard to feel bad for a dead dude who penned songs like Everyone I Love Is Dead, Everything Dies, Die With Me, and I can go on and on. If anyone is suited for the cold embrace of death it's Pete Steele. Anyway, I'm hardly ever crushed when rock stars die. It's better to stay rock and roll forever than to degrade into self parody.

What's in my pocket, yet again!

2010-04-11T22:21:00.003-05:00

click on it to embiggen it.

1. A whole lot of change. Not social change or anything, just like coins. Today at the shop someone paid with a 50 cent piece, which I think is pretty cool. If I had access to 50 cent coins you know I'd be paying for everything in them.

2. Notebook. That skeleton dude is from the 6 pack of Dead Guy Ale and I just glued it to the notebook at work around a week ago.

3. Cell phone, sans armor, mainly because I dropped it in a bucket of paint a few weeks ago.

4. Wallet. I've had this thing for years and it has held up surprisingly well. I am always worrying about where I left my wallet unless I am in a particularly hippie like state of mind, but then I'm probably not even wearing shoes and not even worth dealing with.

5. A note to self which reads, "During halftime of a Jets vs Patriots game at New York's Shea stadium in 1979, a show by a model airplane group went bizarrely wrong. A radio controlled model airplane shaped like a lawnmower flew out of control and plunged into the stands, killing a 20 year old, New Hampshire man." I got that from today's Chicago Tribune, from the article 10 Things You Didn't Know About Stadiums. I find the whole thing hilarious. Tragic, sure, but you gotta admit it's pretty funny. Traglarious.

6. CTA card with like 15 cents on it.

7. A pocket knife.

8. A pen I accidentally swiped from work. How do I know I took it from work? The only fancy pens I buy are Zebra 301s and this one clearly isn't.

Anarchy the scourge of every sea

2010-03-24T16:02:00.005-05:00

Defenestrate Side A
Vital Remains - Disciples of Hell
Actually a cover of a song by the same title by Yngwie Malmsteen. Awesome riff! Fuck yeah! Hail Satan!
Strawberry Switchblade - Since Yesterday
Hail Satan! Uh I mean... Hail Satan!
Joy Division - You're No Good For Me
The Misfits - Horror Business
Mr. Chivo - Soy Dracula
I played this song for my sister and she said, "Where do you get this stuff?" In truth I have no idea where it originates, but it drips out of a series of tubes made out cats.
1000 Homo DJs - Supernaut
This is the best thing Trent Reznor has ever done. PUT ACID IN YOUR VEINS!
Atari Teenage Riot & Slayer - With No Remorse I Want To Die
Recently I have read somewhere that that the ampersand is experiencing a resurgence in popularity due to text messaging and microblogging.
Memphis Minnie - Moanin' The Blues
Flogging Molly - Salty Dog

Defenestrate Side B
Los Marijuanos - Mr. Weedman
Electric Wizard - Funeralopolis
Cough cough cough
Screaming Lord Sutch - Dracula's Daughter
Wow two songs about with Dracula in the title. How odd... Screaming Lord Sutch, while not actually a lord, eventually became a member of British Parliament.
The Creepshow - Cherry Hill
The Ramones - Cretin Hop
A while back ago, when I was beginning to get to know a friend of mine we were driving somewhere and listening to the Ramones. I said something about how awesome they are and she said, "I acknowledge the Ramones but they aren't they greatest band ever." Despite our vast differences we still became friends.
Agent Orange - Speed Kills
Whenever I hang out with a certain friend of mine and this song comes on, usually at the start of a very interesting evening, we end up singing along to it all loud and shit. It's fucking terrible.
Johnny Thunders - All By Myself
Louis Armstrong - La Vie En Rose
Joy Division - Ceremony

This trailer is a lot of fun

2010-02-19T19:00:00.003-06:00

Almost too much fun. All of the Kick-Ass teasers and trailers have been really cool, which is the whole point of a trailer, make the movie look cool so people go see it. But Kick-Ass trailers are worrying because they are just so good that I think the movie won't be as cool as the trailers made it seem.

Going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do. There's just something so awesome about going to see a movie in an actual theater. Sure I can hang out at home while watching a movie, but it's rare that I'll just sit there and watch a movie. I'll be online, or I'll be eating, or I'll be talking to someone over the phone, either way distracted. At the movies I tend to just watch the movie as the lord intended. Hell, most of the time I go to the movies by myself, mainly because this is the only way to ensure that my complete and utter attention is focused on the movie. If I have learned one thing from going to the movies is that sometimes the preview for a movie is all you need. Take for example the Phantom of the Opera

Yeah, it's cheesy as hell, but man, sometimes you gotta go for those cheese fries, nahmean? Of course you don't eat 1 pound of them. I ate that pound of cheese fries and then some when I saw that movie. (yes of my own volition) After the film was over I felt like I had eaten too much, kinda queasy, and regretting my choice.

There are those redbox dvd rental kiosks all over the place. Those are lame. Limited movie selection and having to face the elements? Fuck that. Half the fun of going to to rent a movie is going to the rental place and walking around the place looking at movies, talking about movies, and ultimately renting movies. All this talk of renting movies and actually going to the theater, maybe I'm getting old.

Jesus Hits Like The Atomic Bomb

2010-02-11T16:22:00.007-06:00

I found out about the songs Atom Bomb Baby and Jesus Hits Like The Atomic Bomb through a poem about spontaneous human combustion.

I'm going to go play Fallout 3 now.

But not before telling you who rocks.

Dead Elvis & His One Man Grave. Dude's like from the Netherlands and here he is bringing on the all american, badass rock and roll, which is perfect to wreck your rusted out hot rod with a sawed off bar stool for a seat after drinking like 15 pbrs to, fuck yeah. And fucking Nickelback are millionaires, there is no justice in the world.

Batman & Robin, hail from Austria and send out the rock and or roll in all sorts of way that it boggles the mind.

Vitiate

2010-02-09T11:55:00.001-06:00

Side 1
The Coup - Pork and Beef
KRS One - Sound of the Police
NWA - Fuck the Police
The Pipettes - Your Kisses Wasted On Me
What the hell just happened? Nah, but the first three songs were put up because my friend Luis said something like, "Fuck the police," on a facebook update.
Motorhead - Rock On
Cock Sparrer - Running Riot
Okay that was totally 3 songs by artists from England in a row, I promise there won't be any more of that. I like Cock Sparrer because I imagine that if there's music going on during a soccer riot it would be Cock Sparrer.
Rose Royce - I'm Going Down
The Slackers - Fried Chicken Song
I love the Slackers and who doesn't like fried chicken? That's right, commies.

Side 2
Some Irish Guys - Beer, Beer, Beer
I'm not sure if Some Irish Guys would be a great band name or a terrible band name, but I have no idea who performed this song. I do know that it's a traditional song that goes way back when to when people died from like cholera on massive scales.
Mantic - One by One
There’s just something so right about beer and metal, specially when it’s fun metal. It’s like peanut butter and jelly, but you might end up with getting elbowed in the face and that’s all right. If you're getting elbowed in the face while eating a sandwich then you got bigger problems than I.
Dan le Sac VS Scroobius Pip - The Beat That My Heart Skipped
Manu Chao - Clandestino
Burning Spear - Dread River
Mos Def - 24 Hour Karate School
The hip hop songs on this side are totally different from the ones featured on side 1, almost like the difference between black metal and death metal.
Queen - Don't Stop Me Now
When I see the band name Queen i know what to expect
The Noisettes - Sister Rosetta
I find this song compliments and mirrors Don't Stop Me Now in a very nice way. The guitar solo in this is rifuckingdiculous.
Metallica - For Whom The Bell Tolls

All day long i think of things

2010-02-04T23:04:00.002-06:00

could it be our boy has done something rash?

2010-01-31T21:29:00.001-06:00

Skip to 2:47

2010-01-20T22:10:00.002-06:00

Now listen to the whole thing.

Wasn't that last third of the song the best part?! Why didn't they do that for the whole song? Whatever.

2010-01-14T23:40:00.003-06:00

"I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in!"

2010-01-11T15:51:00.005-06:00

From Said Cunning Old Fury:

So here’s my Question for the Week: If you suddenly had super evil SuperVillain powers (or, why not, SuperHero powers) would you a) actually put your time and energy into dominating/destroying/saving/protecting the world, or would you just spend your time making a nice fortune and possibly turning loud kids in theaters into toads?

Being a ludicrous super-villain sounds like fun: Global domination? Riches beyond my wildest dreams? RULING WITH AN IRON FIST!? Yeah, that sounds all well and good, but people are people and people are going to bitch. "Oh the trains are late." "We don't have enough oil." "Your army of giant death robots is crushing my town, again." Whine whine whine. Yeah, fuck the hoi polloi, I am a goddamn masked super-villain, the world is my playground, I am the kid holding the magnifying glass up to the ant hill (because my fool proof scheme of building a giant magnifying glass will totally work). But it does not matter how big or advanced my robot army is, at one point I will need people, dang. As a super villain you have to have a hierarchy of various goons at your disposal and, as goons are wont to do, they will do incredibly stupid things, such as being engulfed in flames at importune times("STOP DYING YOU COWARDS!" Zap Brannigan). No super power can account for the almost suicidal stupidity of your average goon. What about being a super-villain without the organization? In that case you know what would separate you from the stick up artist or the average con man? A cape. Who wants to be the Librace of knocking over dry cleaners or check fraud? Fuck that.

What about saving the world? Bah! You see a long time ago a humble man rose up to power. This guy had good intentions (probably), and a folksy can do spirit that makes the USA THE BEST GODDAMN COUNTRY EVER. Thus armed he tried to bring about truth, justice, and the american way, by goddamn force if needed. Things were blown up. People were tortured. Whole countries were razed to the ground. I'm talking about George W Bush here. The point is that no matter how good you think you are, you are ultimately fucking it up for the rest of us if you can't keep it to yourself. Okay fine, I'm a supehero. I spend my time rescuing cats from trees, putting out fires, and dealing with whatever fuckers decide to try and turn all the water in the world into apple sauce. Now what? Constantly being assailed by villains, the people freaking out because I could turn on them any minute now, getting destruction of property (that would be my name) lawsuits thrown at me from every which way, and I'm not even rich! So I'd have to do all that and have a job where I have to pretend to be one of the normals? Fuck that. In theory one could be a superhero with a super-villain type organization, like The Mink in Omega the Unknown, but that would lead back to all of the super-villain organization downfalls.

Therefore, the only solution to this is to start a cult. All the spoils of villainy with the adoration of super-heroism. A cult would be almost laughably easy with superpowers. Perform some miracles, point out some omens, profit. No one is going to meddle with your affairs unless you get greedy. You might just get a tax exemption from the whole deal. Just enough to get me enough cash to keep in top hats, champagne, and gold plated Lamborghinis.

Infectious diseases that would make great band names

2009-12-29T22:54:00.000-06:00

Cat-scratch Disease
Colorado Tick Fever
Dengue Fever
Hookworm
Kawasaki Disease
Kuru
Leprosy
Q Fever
Rat-bite Fever
Viral Pneumonia
Zygomycosis

From the back alleys of Lankhmar to a weird adventure along the coasts of Nehwon's inner sea...

2009-12-20T21:21:00.004-06:00

I got a book last night. I forgot all about it until a few hours ago, mainly because I got so very drunk that at one point I noticed that a gate in the cemetery was open so I decided to walk on in. Here's the first sentence:

Muffled drums beat out a nerve-scratching rhythm and red lights flickered hypnotically in the under ground Temple of Hates, where five thousand ragged worshipers knelt and abased themselves and ecstatically pressed foreheads against the cold and gritty cobbles as the trance took hold and the human venom rose in them.

From Swords in the Mist by Fritz Leiber.

Cool, good choice, drunk me! It's one of those old school yellow Ace books. The weirdest part of the book is that right in the middle is a full color ad for Kent cigarettes. You know what disturbs me the most though? That I checked to see if the cemetery gates were open in the first place.

and i try and i try and i try

2009-12-18T12:40:00.001-06:00

2009-12-08T12:15:00.002-06:00

Robbers steal $6 million during soccer finale

Robbers took advantage of Brazil's passion for soccer to steal about $6 million from a cash delivery firm, as the nation was transfixed on championship games, media reported on Monday.

So while everyone was watching the game these guys went into the bank through a tunnel they had dug earlier. The tunnel leads to a house that the thieves had rented a few months ago, they even put up a christmas tree so people believed that regular law abiding citizens lived. Oh Rio, Rio, your crime is oh so grand. This reminded me of the movie, The Bank Job, which is based on real events! A tunnel. Seriously.

NJ funeral director sentenced in case of selling body parts

2009-12-07T19:25:00.002-06:00

Newark, NJ - A former New Jersey funeral director has been sentenced to four years probation for his role in harvesting and selling body parts.

2009-12-04T20:19:00.002-06:00

You gotta turn it up real loud for this

Okay, suprisingly cool! I can't wait to see this!

Or "All I want for Christmas is my two front fangs!"

2009-12-04T17:12:00.004-06:00

Santa Claus conquered the martians a while back ago now, right? Well how about Santa Claus Conquers the Vampires! In which Santa finds a town besieged by vampires so instead of handing out presents he decides to hand out large, steaming portions of ass kicking.

"Rudolph, old boy, let's get ready to slay."

There would be a scene where Santa is interrogating a vampire and he stuffs a clove of garlic in the vampires mouth. The vampire would spit it out, "Bah! Foolish beard-man! Don't you know we're modern vampires? Garlic can't stop us!" Santa stuffs a lump of coal into the vampire's mouth and says, "It was just a warm up." Before lighting the coal on fire.

One scene would be where a few of the vampires are holding a family hostage. They hear something landing on the roof and one of the vampires says, "Guard the chimney!" So there's a few vampires standing around the chimney, armed with baseball bats (get it?), anticipating Santa to come down. Tense seconds pass. Santa busts through the floor boards and drags the first vampire down to the basement.
(editor (aka me, which explains a lot): what no shiver me timbers joke? me: quiet, you! i'm not paying you to talk. editor: you're not paying me at all! me: cause you do a lousy job! editor: cause i'm not getting paid! i need to get out)

Santa Clause enters a crypt or something. He finds a vampire asleep in a coffin. Rudoplh, yes the reindeer, has a stake in his mouth that he hands to Santa, which Santa places over the fiend's heart. "Ho!" Santa drives the stake into the vampire. The vampire, realizing that it's not the alarm clock, starts to shriek. "Ho!" Another drive with the sledgehammer, blood starts to spray out, Rudolph turns his head. "HO!" The final hit with the hammer, more blood but now it's some weird color oh lets say green, the vampire shudders, shrivels and dies as the blood spray stops. Santa and Rudolph walkaway, but the vampire screams some more and more blood sprays out, until the vampire explodes. That's right, explodes, like KABOOM.

It's that time of year

2009-12-03T17:53:00.004-06:00

What time of year you ask? What, Are you dense? Are you retarded or something? What the hell time of year it is? It's almost goddamn Batmas. Ah, yes, Batmas. That time of year of year people celebrate a psychotic millionaire breaking into your house and beating you just short of death, but only if you're cowardly and superstitious. Happiest time of the year. Recently the whole Krampus thing has come to my attention. What the hell is a Krampus?

Back in the day in the tiny villages that huddled together agaisnt the vast, black, night of the carpathian forests, there were two distinct beings that came around during christmas time. One is St. Nicholas, aka Santa Claus, aka Ol' Saint Nic, aka Old Beardy, you know him, beard, sack, coca cola spokesman, gives gifts, but only to the good children. But what about the bad children? They got a visit from the Krampus.

source: your nightmares
You know what the Krampus would bring you? Beatings and nightmares. The beatings were delivered by that age old technique of a freshly cut switch. The nightmare were delivered from getting beat by a devil in your own home as your parents looked on.

So people used to dress up like a Krampus and go around during Dec. 5th, St. Nicholas day eve, and terrorize the children by chasing them around. After scarring the children for the life the parents would invited the Krampus for a customary drink, usually schnapps or kirsch (a type of brandy). Fortified by the drink and the ever ever intoxicating rush of inspiring fear the krampus would rush off into the night to freak out more children and get fucking plastered. Of course the church had to come in and ruin the fun sometime in the 18th century, but the krampus tradition has seen a resurgence in recent years. It has also gone from one night to a whole weekend of mask wearing, boozed up, festival of madness.

I find the whole thing really interesting since it sounds like an aspect of Batmas! Mainly the whole giving the children the gift of fear thing while dressed like something from their darkest nightmares. The other face of Batmas is the sheer ridiculousness of the whole consumer gorge that is the holidays. Batman has bat everything, you know, Batplane, Batmobile, Batcopter, and of course the ever handy, Batsharkrepellent spray. The krampus is also a yin/yang thing, krampus and St. Nic is to Wacky Batman (1960s tv show) and the goddamn Batman (Frank Miller etc). Totally weird.

source: madness

Krampus night also reminds me a bit of Santarchy, a pub crawl where participants dress in christmas costumes and get drunk. Funny that Chicago's Santarchy takes place on Dec. 5th. I wonder if there'll be any krampus running along with the pack of Santa. (ooh or a better plural for Santa would be a sleigh. A sleigh of Santa came into the bar the other night.)

Seriously, Mechanized Death is one of my favorite songs ever.

2009-11-30T17:59:00.006-06:00

eep

KIIIIIIIIIIILLLLDOOOOOOOOOOZEEEER

If you want to know more about Killdozer you can always read the article at Damn Interesting about it. This should be a movie. Here's what I imagine the trailer to look like:
Narration: A man pushed too far.
Marvin (played by John Malcovich. int. shot of a muffler shop. a bare bulb lamp hanging over a workbench/desk. Marvin is wearing cover alls and a beat up baseball cap. he's holding a rumpled letter in one hand and looks generally anguished.): WHHYYYYYYYYYYY?!
cut to black screen. a beat and the word KILL appears. red letters on the black field. a stencil font. it pulsates.
Narrator: in a town ruled by corruption
cut to
int shot, a bunch of old white guys in suits sitting around at a fancy resturant, smoking cigars, drinking scotch, the remains of the meal scattered around the table
Rich guy: Ah, fresh veal, the best way to celebrate.
Rich guy 2: Yes, with the land in our possession, nothing will stop us from building the only kitten incinerator in Colorado.
Rich guy 3: Gentlemen, to evil! (holds his drink up in toasts, everyone cheers. close up of the glasses tinkling together. but then the restaurant starts to shake)
Rich guy: What the hell is that?
cut to black screen. a beat and the word DOZER appears, same font, same effect as before
ext. shot. The Chief is on a bullhorn behind a road block made of of squad cars. the camera is over his shoulder facing the KILLDOZER as it advances.
The Chief (Robert Duvall): Marty, you gotta stop this rampage!
Int. shot of the KILLDOZER, we see Marty's face in extreme close up, which is painted different hues from the screens that show differe around him, klaxons and other alerts are going off, underneath them the constant grinding of the KILLDOZER as it rolls over the street. Sweat beads on Marty's forehead.
Marty: Sometimes reasonable men must do unreasonable things. (straight from the article. I wish i could up up with lines like that!)
Cut to black screen. This time the word KILLDOZER appears as Mechanized Death by the Accused starts up, for a while there's a montage set to the song, the KILLDOZER going trough fire, explosions, people running, etc. cut to black screen once again with the KILLDOZER logo. the sound of a monstrous idling engine.
Narrator: KILLDOZER pulverizing theaters this July (or whatever).

8 45 PM
Shit I just realized that I forgot to mention that there's already a movie called Killdozer. It's about a bulldozer that comes to life because meteorite or something. It's pretty terrible. I also realized that when the rich guy proposes a toast to evil, well, that's from the simpsons! Doh! Ah well.

Return of what's in my cell phone!

2009-11-30T17:19:00.002-06:00

The old, maybe even olde, tennis court rules at Truman. The spot is now full of trailers as they are building... something there.

It disturbs me that this was in the mall bathroom. Well I guess if you're going to do heroin you might as well do it next to the pizzaro.

I have these shoes on as we speak! If the neon green portion at the top wasn't there, if they wasn't perforated at the toe, and if the sole was black, then they'd be perfect.

No, you cannot has cheezburger. :(

S'all right?

S'all right! From an apartment building somewhere on Throop.

Pets and chemicals go great together. Or: Pets and Chemicals, a moving lit fic novel about the harsh struggles of trying to get publish in the cut throat world of lit fic. Or: Pets and Chemicals the greatest band you've never heard of! Performing live, that's right, guaranteed not be be dead, at the Octopus Room this tuesday night! Tell your friends! Tell your family! Tell the people you don't like right before you stab them in the eye with a spork!

A toy power-sprayer. Never too early to prepare the children of today for their menial day job of their future. I found this vaugely depressing. I say let the kids play with the real power washer, get all those baby teeth out of the way early.

The wall of shame at Mi Lindo Michoacan. I was wondering what they would do since polaroid film isn't widely avaible, but it looks like they've gone digital.

The bassline is ridiculous. Ridiculous!

2009-11-28T18:20:00.003-06:00

The album version is longer

Yes, you're welcome for the nightmares.

My brother's friend doesn't know who the Riddler is, damn kids.

far too many uses of the snakes label

2009-11-27T16:38:00.001-06:00

That hissing in the kitchen? Snake!!!

Wed Nov 25, 9:01 pm ET

LAKEBAY, Wash. – Betty Corey first thought the hissing from her Lakebay, Wash., kitchen might be one of her dogs. Wrong. It was a 4-foot-long ball python. Not a fan of snakes, Corey called 911 and a Pierce County Animal Control officer removed the snake Tuesday morning. Officer Brian Boman said the agency will house the snake at its shelter, keeping it warm and close at hand if its owner is looking for it.

Boman says it's likely a pet that escaped from a nearby house. He notes it needs a temperature between 80 and 85 degrees and couldn't survive long in the wild this time of year.

Corey said the snake likely slithered into her home through the doggie door.

___

Information from: KING-TV, http://www.king5.com/

2009-11-21T19:29:00.002-06:00

side 1
http://www.zshare.net/audio/688099087c6a81b0/

side 2
http://www.zshare.net/audio/688099107c6a81b0/

after you go to the link click on "download this file" then click on "download now" and then "your download will begin shortly" disable pop up blocker for a second. unless you have the required plugin in that case you can listen to it directly, i think.

side 1
SPF-1000 - Darkness. First time I heard this song was on The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, a cartoon about 2 kids who have tricked the Grim Reaper into being their best friend for life, wackiness ensues. The episode that this is where there's a battle of the bands. The band name is name Purple Filth, one of the greatest band names of all time.
Zombie Girl - Go Zombie TECHNO IT'S ALL TECHNO. Fucking hell, a techno song came on my ipod a few days ago and my friend was like, "What's this?" "Techno." "Change this." "Man what's the difference between this and what they play at neo?" "That's industrial." "No, that's bullshit and you know it." "Lyrics." "Lyrics? Get the fuck out of here man. Boom boom I boom so dark boom boom as oppose to the same thing but instead of dark it's happy." It's all techno. Damnit.
Rob Zombie - American Witch Hmmm groovy.
Motorhead - In the Year of the Wolf. You know this sounds awfully Halloweenish. Ah well.
She Wants Revenge - I don't want to fall in love. SWR is one of those bands that's either really cool or falls flat, luckily this is one of the cool songs.
Partyshark vs Yo Majesty - Club Action A great remix of a great song. It's perfect for late night when you need to drive, fast.
David Axelrod - Holy Thursday First heard this in GTA 4. Of course it's hard to hear over the running of pedestrians and shooting down police helicopters.

side 2
Cock Sparrer - England Belongs to Me. Perfect to accompany a montage of going to a pub, colonizing shit, and soccer rioting. Not necessarily in that order.
Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip - 1000 Words. Man, English hip hop is weird. Where's the guns, bitches, and weed? What is the status of your bling? Ha ha ha
The Pipettes - Your Kisses are Wasted on Me. Yes, they're from England.
The Slackers - Rude and Reckless. You know what, fuck you England, you'll never have the Slackers.
Cat Stevens - Lady D'Arbanville. This song is creepy.
The Clash - Career Opportunities. Remember when we were listening to English punk a few songs ago? Wasn't that fun?! It was!
Wolfmother - Vagabond. Did I tell you I saw Wolfmother last week and that it was awesome? It was!
Newcleus - Computer Age. What button?

pretty sensationalists, but hey

2009-11-21T18:59:00.000-06:00

Slain for his subway seat: Stranger stabs D train straphanger to death after seat scuffle

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/11/21/2009-11-21_slain_for_his_subway_seat_stranger_stabs_d_train_straphanger_to_death_over_.html#ixzz0XXtK8PD6

A bugged-out exterminator went berserk on the D-train early Saturday, fatally plunging a knife into a fellow straphanger's neck after they argued over a subway seat.

Cops rushed to the train and nabbed the alleged killer thanks to a quick-thinking train conductor, who locked the doors and kept him inside the blood-spattered car.

"He stabs him right in the neck, possibly the jugular," a police source told the Daily News.

"Blood everywhere, complete mayhem."

Bronx resident Jerry Sanchez, 37, got on the northbound train at Rockefeller Center about 2 a.m.

He confronted the victim, who has not yet been identified, demanding he move a bag from the seat where the attacker wanted to sit.

The 36-year-old victim refused, and Sanchez pulled out a knife and stabbed him several times in the neck and face, cops said.

Terrified passengers rushed to the other side of the car, which arrived moments later at 53rd St. One of the passengers notified the crew via intercom.

The motorman contacted workers at the rail control center who called cops.

A police source said Sanchez tossed the knife on the tracks before cops boarded the train, while a transit official said it wasn't clear what happened to the weapon.

Cops found the mad bugman sitting down. He shrugged.

"'What? I didn't do nothing,'" he told cops. "Like nothing happened, like he's just another passenger." MTA officials praised the train crew.

"They did a really good job not letting him out of the car," a spokesman said.

The victim died on the train, where pools of blood were left along the length of the car.

Co-workers at Terminate Control, the Manhattan exterminator service where Sanchez works, said the boss sent him home on Friday morning for showing up late.

"But he took it in stride," one co-worker said. "Jerry's not someone to hold a grudge."

The suspect's brother, Louis Sanchez, told the News that Jerry hurt himself on the job last week when he fell two floors after a floor buckled under him.

"He was in pain because he fell," the brother said. "He was talking about headaches and backaches, and he was taking some kind of medication."

Friends and neighbors said Sanchez had been acting strangely since his accident. They said he'd been abusing painkillers.

Ferdar Ozel, 47, manager of My Place Family Pizza near Sanchez's home in Bedford Park, said the accused killer is a regular customer and does exterminating work for the pizza shop.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, but he's been acting strange for the last two weeks," Ozel said.

Sanchez was held at the Midtown North precinct yesterday awaiting charges.

Cops said Sanchez was arrested in 2004 for selling drugs.

sgoldsmith@nydailynews.com

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/11/21/2009-11-21_slain_for_his_subway_seat_stranger_stabs_d_train_straphanger_to_death_over_.html#ixzz0XXtSphTC

reference to a fabled Andean bogeyman

2009-11-21T18:11:00.002-06:00

Gang accused of killing to sell human fat

LIMA (Reuters) – Peruvian police said on Thursday they had broken up a gang that allegedly killed dozens of people and sold their fat to buyers who used it to make cosmetics.

Four Peruvians were arrested on suspicion of kidnapping, murder and trafficking in human fat.

The group stored the fat it collected in used soda and water bottles, which police showed reporters.

"We have people detained who have declared and stated how they murdered people with the aim being to extract their fat in rudimentary labs and sell it," said Police Commander Angel Toldeo.

In addition to those taken into custody, police said they were searching for others who bought fat from the gang or might have worked with it.

Remains from some of the victims were found at a rural house in the region of Huanuco where the group worked, according police video.

Police said they were investigating 60 disappearances in the area that might be linked to the gang.

The investigation started this month after police heard about a shipment of fat that arrived in Lima by bus from Peru's mountains.

(Reporting by Carlos Valdez and Terry Wade; editing by Todd Eastham)

---

from the BBC
Authorities in Peru said that the gang had gone undetected for perhaps 30 years and was believed to be responsible for the murder of at least 60 people, and then selling their fat to foreign traders.

Police have arrested three Peruvian men and a woman, and are hunting for two unnamed Italians suspected of buying the human fat for as much as $15,000 (10,000 euros) a liter to be used in European cosmetics. Seven suspects in total remain at large.

Peruvian police general, Eusebio Felix, said that "those detained have confessed."

Jorge Sanz Quiroz, a prosecutor in the case, said that the two Italians had been identified but that their names could not be released until they were captured. One of the Italians is said to have left for Europe.

Unsolved crimes

Police hope the arrests will help solve the mysterious disappearances of a large number of people, including children, from villages in the central Peruvian provinces of Huanaco and Pasco.

So far, police have found the remains of only one victim, but one of the suspects, 56-year-old Hilario Cudena, is said to have told police he had committed various murders for the gang since he was 20 years old.

Cudena is accused of being part of a "brotherhood," which called itself the "Pishtacos of Huallaga," a reference to a fabled Andean bogeyman, who killed people for their fat.

The gang was uncovered earlier this month when police arrested an individual traveling on a bus to the capital Lima in possession of what laboratory tests showed was 17 liters of human fat, allegedly worth about $255,000 (170,000 euros).

Later, police discovered a supply of fat at the home of another alleged gang member, Elmer Castillejos, in a Huanaco village.

But at least one expert has doubts there is much of a market for illicit human fat.

Julio Castro, head of the Medical College of Peru, said that plastic surgeons extracted fat from patients every day, but it is not sold because it is full of impurities.

Human fat, however, is similar to pig fat and was collected in Europe in past centuries from executed prisoners for cosmetic and medicinal purposes.

wow

2009-11-18T17:32:00.001-06:00

Police: Mo. teen dug grave anticipating murder

JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. – Blessed with a Friday off school, 15-year-old Alyssa Bustamante dug two holes in the ground to be used as a grave, authorities said. For the next week, she attended classes, all the while plotting the right time for a murder, they said.

That time arrived the evening of Oct. 21, when Bustamante strangled 9-year-old neighbor Elizabeth Olten without provocation, cut the girl's throat and stabbed her, prosecutors said. Why?

"Ultimately, she stated she wanted to know what it felt like," Missouri State Highway Patrol Sgt. David Rice testified Wednesday during a court hearing over the slaying.

Rice, who interviewed Bustamante in the days after Elizabeth's disappearance, said she confessed to investigators and led them to the fourth grader's well-concealed body in a wooded area near their neighborhood in St. Martins, a small town west of Jefferson City.

A Cole County judge ruled Wednesday that Bustamante, who has been held in Missouri's juvenile justice system, should be tried as an adult. Hours later, the teen was indicted on adult charges of first-degree murder and armed criminal action for allegedly using a knife to kill Elizabeth. A judge later entered a not guilty plea on Bustamante's behalf and referred her to the public defender's office.

The court proceedings marked the first time that the suspect in Elizabeth's death had been publicly identified since a two-day search for the girl by hundreds of volunteers. When they found Elizabeth's body Oct. 23, authorities only said that a 15-year-old had led them to it and was in custody for the slaying.

Bustamante remained largely expressionless as she sat with her hands shackled around her waist in court Wednesday. She occasionally looked down beneath the brown bangs that covered her eyes and swallowed hard as a judge read the charges against her.

On one side of the courtroom sat her mother and grandmother, who has been Bustamante's legal guardian for about half of her life. On the other side sat Elizabeth's mother, relatives and friends, several of whom wore pink — Elizabeth's favorite color.

Bustamante was ordered held without bond pending her trial. If convicted of first-degree murder, she would be sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Witnesses at Bustamante's adult certification hearing described a girl who was bright yet depressed and clever in a sometimes sneaky sort of way. She ranked in roughly the top third of her class at Jefferson City High School, the principal said, and had been in no trouble at school or with the law.

Yet Bustamante had tried to commit suicide at age 13 and had been receiving mental health treatment for depression and cutting herself, said David Cook, the chief juvenile officer in Cole County. Once, she led her family to believe she was attending a local church event when she instead sneaked off to a concert in St. Louis, about two hours away, Cook said. On one or two other occasions, Bustamante spent the night in the woods without permission, he said.

After her arrest, Bustamante tried to cut herself with her own fingernails while being held in juvenile custody, said her appointed juvenile defense attorney Kurt Valentine.

He argued Bustamante should remain in the juvenile system, where she could potentially be rehabilitated before being set free by age 21. Valentine warned that Bustamante would either kill herself or be assaulted and killed by others if she were placed in an adult jail cell or prison.

"We are throwing away the child and we are signing a death sentence for Alyssa," Valentine said. "She is not going to survive her time in the Cole County jail."

Cole County Sheriff Greg White said later that Bustamante would be held at a different, undisclosed location.

Cook recommended Bustamante be tied as an adult. Cole County Circuit Judge Jon Beetem agreed, saying the killing was vicious and that the state had no adequate facilities or services to treat Bustamante if she remained in the juvenile system.

Bill Heberle, with the Missouri Division of Youth Services, testified that the state has no secure facilities with fences for female juveniles. Youths in Missouri's juvenile system generally are housed in group settings and are not typically watched by staff 24 hours a day, he said.

___

Associated Press Writer Chris Blank contributed to this report.

You can't make this stuff up!

2009-10-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

Person reportedly bitten by 2 snakes at same time

ublished: October 27, 2009

Updated: 10/27/2009 08:54 pm

Related Links

* Guide to Florida snakes
* Tips to get along with snakes
* Info on treating bites

TAMPA - John Agan was doubly unlucky Tuesday – he got bit by not one but two snakes.

Doctors think one was a coral snake and the other was a pygmy rattler.

The bites happened when Agan was out with his dog at about 1:45 p.m. outside the Masters Inn at U.S. 92 and State Road 579.

His dog was near the hotel trash bin. Agan, who was wearing sandals, was standing near some boards when he got bit by two snakes at the same time.

A coral snake bit his right shin and a pygmy rattlesnake bit the top of his right foot, Agan said.

"At first when I felt the initial pinch I thought maybe it was the boards that came together because they're stacked on top of each other,'' Agan said. "But you know, I looked down. Shoot ! I knocked it off. And I noticed the other snake down on my foot and I'm going crazy, I mean, this is really wild to have two snakes like that.''

Hillsborough County Fire Rescue emergency crews responded to the scene and took Agan to the hospital.

The crew searched for the snakes but didn't find them, said Ray Yeakley, a fire rescue spokesman.

"That doesn't mean they weren't there," Yeakley said. "It just means they weren't there when we were there."

Agan said he isn't feeling, well, snake-bit about his double snake bites.

"What can I say? It's Florida,'' Agin said. "I was born and raised here. And I'll die here. Hopefully not by a snake bite.''

Reporter José Patiño Girona can be reached at (813) 259-7659.